When was your last time??.......

I remember after my divorce or I guess more accurately after he left, feeling such grief in not hanging onto the last time......all of our last times.....our last meal as a family......our last __________insert all the lasts a person can have with their person.......and I have since experienced many more lasts in my stories......not knowing it was the last time at the time but then there it was.......and life is like that right......our last family dinner with our grandparents........the last time we rode bikes with our friends till dark......the last time we were with a friend, who we no longer see......the last laugh we shared.......private joke.....you get the idea......and I think what I have learned, because I have mused on this last business before:) That the other layer is that I truly believe the goal of life is to be as unbothered as often as we can, while still being connected to it all.....seems like those things are not in line with one another, but I believe they are.....I see a saying all of the time that resonates "Attach to nothing, connect to everything....." and there it is......having a deep knowing so fully that change is the ONLY constant we have to hold onto.....and that as time takes hold.....perhaps change becomes even more apparent and present.....and I have learned to let go......I think that was my big lesson, and struggle......learning to let go of the people and places that are not good for me, and learning to do so with more wisdom and discernment in tow....and embracing the change that comes with that......that was something that used to rattle my cage pretty fiercely.....and now it doesn't......I continue to see friends and acquaintances, or really anybody in the light of day, and decide whether their energy is a part of my future story, and remain unbothered either way.....and sometimes it is a clear no now.......not feeling obligated or connected to the continuing of it all....seeing the writing on the wall quickly and moving on......no drama.......just movement......and remaining unbothered......and new and amazing people are coming my way these days too....sort of an out with the old, in with the new kinda energy, and it has been fun to meet some new people.....and I trust the exits and entrances implicitly........wanting to have people in my sphere that ring with the same vibration I do, that hold the same care that I hold for them, the same loyalty, all of it......not having any undercover haters in my circle.....because energy is contagious.....and the most paramount lesson of all of it is not getting your ego up in any of it.....people will do what they do......and it truly doesn't have to do with us....and that is not easy to understand or believe sometimes......because when we are young it ALL feels personal....and that feeling follows us into adulthood......until somewhere along the way we get tired of carrying other people's stuff.....and realizing that people's perceptions of us, are a peek into their inner workings......their acceptance and celebration of us or their judgement and contempt.....it all comes from them.......we are still us......and they are experiencing us through their lens.....so not getting attached to that is important.....and I suppose learning that so fully has allowed me to live freer and happier and more peaceful......I don't let what others do rattle my cage much anymore....and even if I do for a minute that understanding has remained my north star......and the only behavior I can manage is my own......my reaction......my leading with love and grace and letting go.....I committed at the beginning of this, mostly as it pertained to my divorce, to choose the high road as often as I was able, and I have done that......and I have used that lesson in other places in my life.....choosing to lead with the love I hold for a person.....seeking to have us find understanding and if we can't then not allowing ugliness be the thing that follows next.....it isn't worth it.....it is energy that depletes my life.....and my life is truly happy and fun and magical now:)....and I won't let anything affect that again......the gate is up on that now:) My kids deserve this version of me, and I trust that I am always standing where I am supposed to be, surrounded by the people I am supposed to.....and when your time is up with a person it really is.....I have come to learn that so fully....and the "last time" is a thing.....and those last times give way to first times too:) the first laugh with a person....the first kindred moment.....all of it....and the cycle goes.....life is indeed a beautiful dance of learning when to hold on, and when to let go.....and sometimes those lines get blurry.....but if you listen, you will hear the way for sure:) I believe that so fully! Enjoy your day:) Happy Friday:) xoxo