Well....that was triggering as you know what........

Yesterday was a wound day......My wounds were brought to my attention.....laid in front of me for deep examination, or maybe more accurately sucker punching me in very unexpected ways.....and the funny thing is there is a theme in all of my deepest wounds.....it is all the SAME wound, having been inflicted on me in different ways by different people.....and so it is like when you were a kid.....your scab on your leg heals from when you fell off your bike.......great right.....but then you look at it, and it looks healed or close.....and you think maybe if you pick at it, the scab will come off cleanly....leaving that faint pink mark in its wake.....but then you mess with it, and it still has skin attached.....starts bleeding again.....you were wrong.....it wasn't ready to be picked at.....and it wasn't fully healed.....and yesterday felt like that......many times.....and ironically from different places.....but all the same deep wound.......the same theme.....however my participation in all of it was different......I responded as THIS version of me.....so there was growth in all of the things that happened yesterday despite that fact that I was being deeply triggered in every direction.....and as uncomfortable as being triggered is.......it is THAT space where real healing can be done.....the places where we get triggered, and respond differently.....the place where we choose our healed self to respond instead of our wounded one.....choosing to face what it is that hurts and speak up about it......not shy away from it.....or hide it.....or pretend it isn't there.....and truthfully sometimes when I feel my wounds poked, and feel the pain that STILL lives there, it still takes my breath away......and makes me marvel at how much pain STILL lives in some of these spaces despite the healing I have done.....except in all of the places I hold deep pain, they are all unresolved.....open ended.......no closure.......just a moving on......or a call for me to get over it and heal the pain left in the wake of it all.........and perhaps that is the challenge that they all hold for me....my boy needs surgery....for his saliva duct......not what I was expecting.....not urgent surgery.....likely the day after Thanksgiving.....but surgery....which entails a bunch of things with his Williams Syndrome.....and that was my final wound that I got to experience yesterday at the end of the day, a day that was already so full of intense feelings.....and then the wound of holding the bag for all of it showed up......all alone in managing his stuff.....which can be complicated....no support available from the place I should be able to find some.....and the entire day was like that.....the Universe having me face many of the places that still hurt me deeply.......and it likely was in the air or the energy of the day.....maybe you can relate to what I am saying too.......but I was shown many places that still hurt.....got to shed some tears from a heartbroken space.......which was cleansing, and realizing that my heart is indeed still broken in some spots.....and then feeling some anger that it is......anger is a cheap fix right.....anger feels better than deep sadness.....so that didn't last long but the anger bubbled up at some of the people, and circumstances that have wounded me, and the injustice that lives in those spaces.....but really what lives in all those spaces is deep pain......like soul wounded stuff.....and I have said it often.....your pain is equal to your ability to love and connect with folks.....so us deeply loving peeps have a hell of a price to pay for the pain that finds us......and the other piece is that yesterday was just a day......a peek into what lives there......actually healing some of it in the discomfort of the day.....like when grief catches in your throat.....or in the corner of your eyes when you speak of somebody that you miss in this life.....like that......a whale sighting.....that whale I speak of that holds our pain surfacing.....I got to see that whale a lot yesterday.....and I have been deeply wounded.....that isn't dramatic, it is a fact....and maybe one that I don't always acknowledge the magnitude of..........I have had a lot of deep betrayals, in many forms find me in this life, not just in love......and so the bigger picture is the awareness that for whatever reason I am left holding the responsibility......the responsibility of other people's actions....and their actions......and all of it.......and I carry a lot of things on my shoulders..... and for my entire life I have been called to be stronger than I ever wanted to be......and sometimes feel misunderstood in that in some important places in my life.....and yesterday was a traffic jam of pain if you will.......many of the wounds having a conference room meeting together...lol:) And it was heavy......and it was also experienced through the different parts of me.....which was interesting to observe as it was all happening......but I remained conscious during all of it, realizing what I was being asked to understand and heal in it all....and I did:) So despite yesterday feeling wildly uncomfortable......it was a divine exam that I passed......letting my healing lead the way, not my wounds........this morning feels better and I am ready for the day:) Enjoy your day! xoxo