What do you REALLY think??

One piece of my story that has been shrouded in question marks is what the thoughts are of the people that have done the betraying in my stories.....besides the initial, and in my opinion small apologies, the rest has been question marks.....and considering the circumstances of what was done, and the things we shared, I can surmise that it is a heavy burden......and I suspect that I likely didn't disappear into the background of their lives either so easily......and I have had this fantasy in the aftermath at certain points....and I use that word for lack of a better one, to express what it is I mean to say.....imagining a neutral space.....my sitting down as a news woman.....mic in hand......and so tell me........what is your perspective......I know for sure there was some initial BS that allowed for them to justify some of their behavior......but once that falls away....and the weight of the truth is right there what do you do with that??? Because I think in my new level of healing I recognize so fully that no matter their narrative, or their perspective that may differ from mine, which I allow space for too.....I have said many times I am not perfect, and have had my own work to do.....however at the end of the day none of what was done to me was OK in any way.....and what's more is it is was next level not OK.......so that is the part that I ponder.....I know we have likely have two different perspectives ....and share different thoughts on all of it.....but I also know my experience in all of those places, and know most of what happened, and well......that is where my curiosity lies......and so what would be divulged in this pseudo news interview that I would host......much of what I endured and had to heal was at their hands.....that is a FACT, that no amount of differing perspective could diminish that.....I used to say a lot at one point of my life, that a lie will always be a lie, no matter how many times it is repeated.....and the truth is the truth.......but the magnitude of the offenses I have walked through are real.......and heavy.....and not OK....and I think as I heal further that weight gets heavier......we tend to try to minimize or rationalize before we reach another space, and try and make it OK, protecting ourselves from the impact of it all.....and now all of that has fallen away, and all of it is sitting and staring at me.....like in a big open field, with no trees covering it......there it is.....stark and big......and wrong.......and deceptive.....and well you get the idea......but what has their experience been like since we left off......I get snippets of that with my ex husband since we share our kids......but all of it makes me curious.....and not in a way that validates any of my experience......that is the thing......the level of healing I have reached leaves no doubt.....I don't need them to validate my experience for it to be embodied and fully understood by ME......I KNOW what took place so fully, and what my experience was that it isn't dependent upon another's perspective......and I trust it....as I have done countless hours of self reflection and work......and years of therapy.........but my curiosity lies in THEIR human condition......THEIR healing journey if there has been one.....THEIR story......no matter what that is......I have reached a level of freedom where I don't need________________to say to me what I know to be true.......and there have been signs of some of what I have had hunches about too......but the truth of it fascinates me.....I guess the life coach in me having her say.......and maybe I will be granted the knowing for sure.....and maybe I won't......and either way won't affect my goal each day to be the most healed and healthy version of me, so I can live the life I am meant to, and be the best mom I can for my kids, a healed and healthy and happy one......However, healing huge offenses without a proper apology is a formidable opponent......but it is possible, I have proven it more than once.....however I also know an apology would bring another layer of healing to my story too......and am always open to that......but most definitely not waiting on it......so my curiosity is real.....I suppose that is the human condition I carry......as for me today I have a ton of chores to catch up on.....I actually slept in today, 7:30 before my eyes even opened which is so rare for me......guess I needed it! And I have lots to do so I can get out there tomorrow and enjoy this weather again:) Happy Saturday:) xo