Here is where I struggle....

First I want to say Good Morning and Happy Friday;-) Ya OK??? This week, before Sunday's full moon lol:) This week has been extra for sure lol:) Last night was so fun though! The girls and moms hanging and chatting and the girls played hide and seek at the church and had a ball too.....it is really humbling to see a vision that was placed on my heart manifest before my eyes......it really was a persistent nudging to KEEP GOING and build it....and the way absolutely has appeared, and I am filled with such gratitude about all of it......so that leads me into the struggle I wanted to talk about this morning.....my faith is rock solid these days....more than ever.....I believe nothing that is for you ever misses, and everything that is no longer for us falls away, not in our time, but in divine timing.....and I have so much proof now it is kinda ridiculous lol:) And I have spoken about the muddy waters of my last relationship......and it was a good amount of push and pull for a bit.....feeling like it was "meant to be" if you will, but then being so damn difficult on and off, and as I have said I tried to end it, walk away, block it, get rid of it, tons of times.....my instincts knowing something that was then proven to me eventually.....but here is the thing.......that difficulty and uncertainty......and questioning all of it that I did so often, begs the question of whether I was supposed to listen to that then??? In hindsight......which really is 20/20.....it played out as it was supposed to, at least it feels that way....but sometimes I wonder if there are alternative endings.....and is that lack of ease a sign?? I have come to believe that, strife is a sign you are in the wrong spot, it is ease of alignment that lets us know we are right on time.........And if I had listened to that intuition sooner what would that have looked like????Because within the first 6 months of reconnecting and chatting with him, I had a lot of concerns and reservations about him......things about his life that I felt some kinda way about.....not judging him, just seeing some writing on the wall that was causing me to recoil from romantic involvement as our friendship took hold, due to all I had just walked through.....and those things were proven in the end, and then some......and so I guess that is my wondering.....if I had stuck to my guns so to speak, would I have found my I Got YOU Girl chapter in a new way??? I know that is all philosophical and stuff ;-) but it is the stuff that I wonder about sometimes.....our alternate endings to stories......do they exist.....because the divine timing of life seems SO STRONG to me most days.....like unavoidable.....in every way......leaving me FREE.......releasing all of my need to control each and every day.....because it will all work out......in fact there are people in my life that I think, having known me years ago, get nervous that I am not worrying.....lol:) But I really don't.....I release all of it and let it all be and it all unfolds.....and obviously this morning's "what if" is futile......I will never know what would have happened had I heeded my first set of reservations, or if I left him on read in my inbox and never accepted his offer to reconnect after my ex left.....I sometimes think of that too.....I guess what I am asking is would the lesson or in this case lessons I needed to learn to live my next chapter, arrived in another way??? Unavoidable?? And that answer feels like a yes.....we do have free will that I also believe.....but I also believe a certain amount of it is divinely placed and unavoidable in a real sense....it is one of the pillars of my coaching too.....I meet some women that are on the fence, not knowing if there marriage or relationship is over fully.....and they feel guilty or like they need to make apologies based on some of the experiences they have had.....and I first of all never judge, but I say the thing that they need to hear....and that is that you will know when your relationship is over......period......nobody can tell you that.....it comes when the time is right and nobody else is living your life or your truth.....and we all need to do what we feel we need to in any given situation......I believe that, and only know that because I experienced it......I sometimes wonder what my life would look like if I had ended my marriage when I first found out about his affair, instead of living in those next two years.....trying to save a marriage that was never going to be saved.......but guess what, I wasn't ready to end my marriage when I first found out.....at all.......and while people can stand and judge and say I would never put up with _____________-you don't know what you would never do until you are staring it in its face......so I guess there is my answer....we live our truth, whatever that looks like, in the time that is divinely placed but also in our own time.....I do know however that moving forward it is that ease that I follow......letting me know I am walking in the way of my life.......and perhaps when that dissonance shows up again, I will heed it much sooner! Happy Friday, enjoy it:) We earned it! xoxo