Ex season......

Mercury went retrograde yesterday and it is the big joke that it is technology issues, and communication issues and craziness....and well old ex's return too, but this one also has Venus retrograde in the mix and it is for sure an even deeper reexamining of our romantic relationships both past and present.....and so if you have had some of that energy in the mix you are not imagining it.......I think sometimes we think we are done with something and the energy and the powers that be have other plans....So yesterday arrived to show me some growth and to work through some things I needed to. Last night an ex texted me......one I haven't written about here....which I find funny that I haven't because it was a pivotal relationship too, and part of this story.....and perhaps the most toxic of all to some degree......we were teenagers when we dated and it was messy.....and we have not stayed in touch all along but have some mutual people in our lives that has allowed for some connection over the years on and off......and he has texted me from time to time.....he has struggled with some things and sometimes has texted me when he is in the throes in ways that haven't been welcomed........but last night he reached out and that was not the case.....he is a new space it seems.....and he was texting for advice.....and I gave it to him and supported him, and we went back a forth for a little bit.....and I joked about the situation he was texting about, and it being very Mercury Retrograde..... and he had opened our texting last night with saying he was thinking of me.....and so when we ended I said I guess retrograde brought me to the mix too.....lol:) To which he said he thinks of me often, but doesn't reach out all of the time.....and that as he thinks of the past, he has nothing but fond and great memories of me......and it was sweet for sure.....but here is where growth stepped forward....old Jenn would have said me too have a good night! Not wanting to hurt his feelings or any of it....but the truth is I have my fair share of crappy memories of him where he did ugly things back then, mixed with the good ones......and saying otherwise is not honest, and it doesn't honor my experience.....so in that moment I thanked him and told him to keep me posted on the situation he had texted me about and left it there......and that felt like something....and in doing that and thinking of it I realized there is a whole blog or two about what lied there, and between us, and I guess my new eyes took a moment to process that relationship......and in some ways that relationship was where I disregarded my worth the most.......not speaking up.....not any of it.....it had started sweet and charming and teenager like and went on from there......so I was proud of myself for not managing somebody else's comfort or emotional stuff......he knows how he treated me, and maybe that is why I do cross his mind.....because I was good to him and adored him, the toxic stuff not coming from me, except for the part where I wanted to be seen and loved by him in a way that did not honor myself.......at all......and was desperate in a way that makes me cringe today..........and then if on cue I had an ex dream last night......working out unfinished business there.....my carrying my waking feelings about it all into my sleep but coming face to face.......and it all feels so funny that it arrives literally as Mercury went retrograde yesterday morning lol:) But Venus has been for a couple of weeks......which is where love is under review......and as I have said many times I believe astrology to be God's divine guiding system for our lives.....that THAT is what the planets purpose is.....my traditional beliefs not being separate from that at all........and the more I learn the more fascinated I become with the power of the energetics that govern our lives in very divine ways....so Mercury and Venus both will be retrograde till November 13th........love and relationships and finances and so much more is up for review........communication too.......but mostly the relationships we share with others, are they equal, do they feed us, are they balanced, are they good for us even....just some of the questions that find us depending how they hit our romantic lives........but both the texting and the dream were timely for sure.....I was also feeling happy I am not in a romantic relationship at the moment lol:) Having all this energy impacting that lol:) And I had been exploring apologies yesterday.....ones I wonder about.....and then last night it was confirmed some that I play in the background in somebody's mind.....I think that is IT for me.....I am not perfect, not by any means......but I lead from goodness.....genuine goodness......and love........and I have not been met there so often, and I guess I wonder if that goodness and love stays with the people I shared it with..........early on in therapy after my marriage......I was stuck in that.....spiraling in it as the pain consumed me, and feeling forgotten by my ex husband immediately, and I remember my therapist saying that to me......saying to me that you are such a good and loving person Jenn.......and being loved by you is special and rare, and would not be forgotten despite what it looks and feels like right now.....just because there is not evidence doesn't mean he doesn't feel that or understand that......and that helped me so much at the time........however today that doesn't matter to me in the same way it once did, I am clear on what I gave and how I loved the people I have and do not need their confirmation of that......., so I guess that text came last night to test this new version.....the one that wasn't going to get into the past with him, not wanting to call him out, but also wasn't going to pacify and give a pass to what happened all of those years ago........honoring the woman I am today.......and well that feels like something......as for today the kids and I have a pumpkin patch on our list and a full moon hike tonight! I got all of my chores done yesterday! Enjoy another gorgeous day!!! xoxo