The catalyst arrived

Sometimes life needs a catalyst....... an event, or moment in time, to shift it in a new direction.....I certainly have experienced that myself many times.....and it is in that space where change can occur or where we find we cannot return to a space before.....and I have believed for quite some time that we were moving toward a moment, in terms of my kid's visits with their dad, where something would happen to shift it some.....and that moment arrived this weekend.....I saw it coming clearly......and I knew that I needed to trust it, and trust that it would play out as it should, and for the greater good.....it wasn't easy.....because the waiting on it, and the trying to prevent it many times was frustrating, and the many scenarios that could have taken place were cause for some tension and anxiety....but I chose to surrender to the what is....and let it play out as it may....and well it did.....so now the visits for the kids will need to look different, and there will need to be different arrangements made.....and I do not know what that will look like.....but I know clearly and definitively that it needs to change...and the writing on the wall supports those feelings.....I know that their dad loves them fiercely.....of that I have no doubt.....and that his being in their lives is the right thing.....and it has been that notion and that one alone that has kept me being so supportive in making all of thsi work for this entire time....and bending and molding myself to fit into this strange situation.....and for the love of my children.......for them.....and to make it all work for them to be with their dad. And unfortunately his life is not so black and white these days....and it can be complicated, and in those complicated spaces it has affected his relationship with them......so I am hopeful as this catalytic event has come to pass that it will impart the change to his life necessary to start a new chapter for himself and his relationship with our children......and I suppose from where I sit this morning that is quite optimistic and pollyanna.....but that is who I am....and I am forever optimistic in the notion that things can get better......despite all that has happened I do believe deeply that our children are the light in his life......without question.....and that some of his actions and their consequences have come calling......but.......it is not for a lack of love for his kids or in wanting to be the father they need him to be.....so I am not going to have this weekend close me off to the possibilities in moving forward.....and I am open to working with him to solve it for our kids.....however I am holding a new line in the sand.....one that will need to be clear and stuck to......and he is in a spot where some real change and decisions need to be made in his life....and what he does will be his business...and will dictate how the rest of what happens goes.....It has been heavy in my life as of late.....and I am forever turning to the coping strategies and gifts I have found to cope and knowing that I have all the tools I need to navigate my circumstance......no matter what! And I trust that so fully.....so I am deeply breathing and trusting what happens next.....Happy Monday!