Not a threat........

I think when relationships begin in deceptive ways, or even complicated ones, and the people that had shared history with your person land in open ended places.......no closure or neat packages, it is perhaps easy to view them as a threat......and I have felt that some at certain parts of this story based on some of the actions I have seen, or some lack of action......and I don't say that arrogantly at all......I think it is just human nature and shared history can jangle people for sure, and here is the thing.....I do not think there could be a notion further from the truth......once I saw people, people that I once believed were MY people, for who they really are that is IT.......no turning back.....no nothing.....I have joked before and even with them once upon a time, that my Taurus fuse is LONG......but when you reach the end of it, you are gone.....banished so to speak lol:) To an island where there is no need for any other circling round.....except for that elusive apology if that comes at some time.....and I do not wish you ill will but my time is done in your story that is true......and my ex husband is a little different, since we share our kids.....I am forever open to friendship, but that is IT......all of my other feelings LONG gone.........and I guess I marvel at that this morning.....I was driving my kids to an adventure yesterday, and was behind a horse trailer on the highway.....and when I see a horse trailer it reminds me of when my ex husband and I met for the first time when we were 19......he raced horses, and I spent some time at the track with him.....and it was a powerful and magical time and we were CRAZY about each other......like in every way.....and I have written about how I am trying to hold those moments somewhere alongside the disrespect and betrayal and it is just hard......but even with that being true, I would never ever want any of the stories I lived in back........EVER......and even more than that I am glad to not be in them anymore....with every fiber of my being.....so no I am not a threat, in any way to any previous love.....I wish them and their new people well.....and hope everybody wins......truly.......it is not for me any longer that is SO clear.........like can't be unseen clear.....yesterday the kids and I chased magic.....we went by the Mohonk house to catch a view......they call it the million dollar view.....and it was pretty spectacular:) and we would have hiked more while we were there.....but my gal had her heart set on a pumpkin patch too.......so I found one close to there......Kelder's Farm.....and it was SO fun.....so much for the kids to do and despite having the full moon hike in our sites last night it ended up not being in the plan.....I hadn't brought our hiking gear with us, and I should have, because we would have just made it! But we had to drive home first.....however I trust that flow so fully.......days unfold the way they are meant to, in their time, and it wasn't our door yesterday......and the day was perfect......truly........a crock pot waiting on us when we got home.....and the ease of it all reminds me of the lack of ease I once lived.......a woman came to the picnic table with her family yesterday......she had her hands full of all of the food for everybody.....her husband was holding their baby, and he dropped something and blamed it on her???? Snapping at her......And she said how could I hold that with all of this.....and he was so nasty about it, ruining the moment completely.....on such a gorgeous fall day......and it made me so sad for her.....I have been in those spaces......and yesterday I felt the freedom of no longer being there anymore......free to have a day that flows with ease......no unnecessary strife.........or conflict.....or tense moments for no reason......ALL of it......and I wanted to let that guy have it on her behalf......and her face was so sad and hurt.....and it was SO UNNECESSARY......and those are the things that destroy love.......bit by bit.......like chipping an expensive glass ornament, until it shatters......and that is my work to do as I express all of that......to believe that love doesn't have to be complicated or be wrought with those tense unnecessary moments so often......and to keep tolerance for inevitable hurt and strife because well we are all human after all......and that is not easy work to do......because my patience for that kind of BS is none lol:) I suppose the caveat is having a person that seeks to repair and CHANGE what happens on the other side of that apology.....not apologize endlessly and keep doing it......all relationships house unintentional hurt, I know that is true......but it is what happens on the other side that matters......so despite my life having this boomerang love pattern, I can assure the world that the doors on all of my previous love stories are closed for good lol:).......NO way back.....bridges burned to the ground........and I suppose there is peace in that too....no ambiguity......the flames destroying any of the feelings I once held for them.......and maybe as I heal more and more I am aware that I wasn't necessarily in love with what was real anyway, not fully at least......I was in love with who I believed them to be, which turned out to not be real in the face of what the final chapter held and their actions......so in some ways, despite the complication of betrayal, it makes it easier.....and working to hold all of it.....and put it to bed in a way that makes sense has been my work to do.....without it tainting my future......but in this chapter I am SO satisfied in hanging and traveling little places with my kids......clocking memories that will live in our hearts all of our days.....and doing it with ease and magic in tow.......and for that I am so damn deeply grateful:) Happy Monday! And as educators, we only have a full moon, Halloween week, and daylight savings to navigate this week, no biggie lol:) We got this! xoxo