Silly girl, that isn't what it means!

I read something this morning that hit me and made me have a huge AHA moment......I think the longer I live the more I realize how powerful our beliefs are......ones we carry through our lives, and I see so clearly how they shape our lives.....either for better or for worse......places of liberation and joy, or confinement and misery......and I say that, because what I read was in line with that......a woman was musing about her relationship patterns, sounds familiar right;-) It was a post I saw........and she was talking about deciding she was breaking up with a guy......and her realization that she needed to came on the wings of his playing video games while she cleaned up the kitchen from dinner.....it was one small, seemingly insignificant moment that sealed the deal, and she realized in one moment how selfish he was, and how she did not want to share her life with a person that didn't partner with her.......and he was shocked and blindsided and said "But I never hit you or cheated on you!!"......and that disgusted her further......like WHAT????? That is the bar!!!!!.....and she was musing on the low bar we set on love when we have dysfunctional patterns.....excusing laziness in love, and a lack of care.......making excuses for a person, and unfortunately what it does is create this notion, either conscious or unconscious, and this is what got me.......that somehow love equates to suffering.....and you somehow believe that your depth of love is shown in your willingness to suffer! AND BOOM!!!! That hit me like a lightning bolt.......and That is NOT true.......and THAT was my AHA.......I have believed that before......telling myself that I was deeply up in my feels and in love, using that level of suffering and "hanging in," as the bar, and YIKES.......and not that it wasn't true that I was in love, but my suffering should not have been the bar, and again it all seems ludicrous this morning, but it wasn't so ludicrous all that long ago........Loving somebody, and being loved, is NOT SUFFERING.......for the people in the back........holy smokes......we need to stop having women believe that, or anybody........you might have life circumstance that challenges you both in life, but your actual relationship, should be a place of solace.......of love........of peace.......all of it.......not something you must endure to show your love cred..........and for me that was IT in a nutshell.......my believing that my willingness to endure such nonsense, and pain, and suffering was a positive attribute.......and I suppose it was to some degree to the people taking advantage of it.....but it certainly wasn't to me.......AT ALL.........so the layers of the onion keep peeling.....making me realize how often I settled for bare minimum stuff in this life.....making excuses........thinking if I worked harder or loved harder, I would be met there.......and none of that is true.......and now I know better......and have raised the bar on where I seek to be met.......can you believe he said "I have never hit or cheated on you???" As a selling point.......we have lost our way ladies.......I see it every day......and we need to own our worth, we deserve a man who jumps in and helps with the dishes......lightens our loads.......joins us at the level we love......it really is that simple......I slaved away in my old life.......calling it love........being so grateful for any and all participation in the day to day......making a big fuss about it, like it was special.....and to be honest, in this moment I feel disgusted some.......at myself.......for continually lowering the bar on what I desired, deserved, and on what I was worth receiving.......so the only solace for me in my day to day is that THAT chapter is DONE........I cannot go back......but I can surely change the future.....:) And I will indeed:) And that is where our power lies each and every day.....not in the lamenting of the past, but in the crafting of the future.......and the present.......allowing the things you have endured to light the way! Hoping this resonates with somebody this morning as it did with me.....You deserve more, in case nobody has told you today, let me be the one:) Happy Eclipse Day! Enjoy the day:) xoxo