My forgiveness of the other woman......

My forgiveness of the other woman is real......and perhaps it is the deepest spiritual work I have been asked to do......I mean forgiveness in general, is deep work to do, especially when the offense has been deep.......and I am writing it about it this morning because it came up yesterday again in a surprising set of events, and I feel it is important to share from time to time for anybody that needs to hear it......and today with more clarity in tow.......and make no mistake her actions toward me were horrible......no doubt......it was more than their affair, there were other moving pieces at play that added to the pain I was handed, and the details are not important or appropriate to share here fully......but suffice to say that if I laid it all out for you as the reader, your having an outside perspective, it would surprise you that I made it to a place where I can say I forgive her and mean it.....however to her credit I have seen her evolution in this story too....and the spaces I have invited her into, she has joined me in some when our paths have needed to cross, and I know that none of this has been easy for her either.....her story has been challenging, and being the "other woman" is a title nobody wants to wear, I really believe that......sometimes circumstances in our lives take us places we didn't intend to be.....that is true.......I have witnessed that in my own life.....finding myself compelled to be in places I didn't actively seek to be, and did not want to be in....so my forgiveness of her comes from understanding that.......and as my belief, and my faith, and the roots of my spiritual life have evolved and taken hold, my understanding has broadened to truly believe that everything happens the way it is supposed to.......even the challenging stuff......and that doesn't mean I am giving her a pass on some of her actions.....but I am clear that their story was meant to be as much as mine.....that is true.......and I can't sit here so often, and marvel and feel the deep gratitude I do for THIS life, without acknowledging that her role in it helped free me to be able to live the life I have created on the other side of what they have done.......I can't feel the way I do about my life and harbor ill will, which by the way I don't think I did very much in this story.....knowing it is not my job to wish for anything, but doing my best to stay in the light, and know that life does what it does, and karma is a thing......and we are all subject to getting the bill......which is why I believe it is best to keep that in mind in all of our actions in this life, especially these days......and the other thing is I have sympathy for people who have to live with doing something so profoundly horrid to another person, or in my case to my family and have to live with that......that is heavy, and I would not want to carry it.....so holding both things to be true has been complicated work........on one hand she and my ex husband handed myself and my kids an enormous amount of pain, so much so we were drowning in it for months afterwards, and the scars will stay with us all......but they also freed us to live a life that is much healthier, one we are crazy about, and one that feels more like us every day......and holding those two truths isn't clean......and the layers are endless.....because I do believe they are living in the story that was meant for them.....so their falling in love was in line with that.......I got him the job where they met.....so there were so many divine pieces falling into place in each of our lives that led here.......I am sure if I sat down with her, and talked deeply about it, she might tell me how compelled she was to be with him too at the time, and the pull she felt......I am certain that was a part of it, and that is hard to deny......and I believe they do love each other too.....and get each other in ways that I did not get him anymore.........and it is even crazier to think now too that a man that felt like my home for so many years, is somebody that I have a hard time believing was even in my life ever......and I do not say that in a snarky way......it is just that as the clarity has arrived I realize how little we had in common all along........we had a few strong pieces that I believe kept us together for as long as we were......but if we really sat down, and thought about it or talked about it, there was not much that we shared that made sense for long term success......at all.........and the dynamic between us not a healthy one, each of us stepping into our roles in a way that was exhausting.......so my forgiveness of her......of them......and him.......comes from my understanding that as much as I hated the way they went about it, their story matters as much as mine, and was meant to be too......and as divinely placed as mine was, so was theirs......and ultimately their final decision to stop dragging me through their story was a merciful one.......cutting me loose from being attached to it all in the ways I was......and I am sure it wasn't an easy one.......and neither of them will know what I had to endure on the other side at their hands that is true, and watching my kids suffer and in so much pain will stay with me all of my life and was a pain I would not wish on my worst enemy, it was brutal.......but that is not a condition of forgiveness......I was given the gift of having an ability to forgive......to not hold onto things that do not serve me....hanging onto resentment and anger only poisons the person holding it.....and I won't do that.......I gave up enough of my life to futile places in this story, and the aftermath belongs to me and me alone......so I do have compassion and empathy for her.....as hard as it is for everybody to understand.....and I do for him too.......I can't help it....and that goes for all the people that have betrayed me.......the life coach in me knows that there is a story that proceeded my interaction with all of them that contributed to what happened.....and while I do not give a pass as I said, their actions are their own, and the ways they have to answer for those actions is between them and the powers that be........but as for me, in all of the cases my life has progressed in the aftermath of their actions, and I have felt propelled further into my purpose each time.....not as a credit to them, but due to their actions being the catalyst.....and all I can hope for them all is that they use their new chapters on the other side, to make amends for their actions, and use the lessons to grow and evolve too and that they don't accrue anymore collateral damage.......that is my prayer.......I wish them all well that is the truth......and finding forgiveness has further freed me from any of our ties.....untethered soul stuff, and this morning that feels like something.......Happy Thursday! xoxo