"Hey there, Carrot Top......."

I have been a redhead my whole life......and when I was a kid it was a source of angst for me sometimes, especially initially.......since it was unique, and different it could bear the brunt of kid's jokes.....one of which was calling me carrot top.....insert eye roll.......and by the way, the nerd in me felt indignant by the lack of accuracy that putdown held......carrots have a green top, #justsayin lol:) So yea......it was hard for me to have red hair as a child.....and it was a deeper richer color as a kid.....always being subject to fading in the sun.....and adults would always oohh.....and ahh....telling me how beautiful my hair was......and so my feelings surrounding it were complicated.....because most of the time I longed for blonde or brown.....normal hair......but it began as I got older to become a part of me.....identifying with my hair, and I eventually loving that it was red.....but as I was aging at the end of my marriage, I had held a belief that I wasn't going to dye it....and to be honest now I do not know why I held such a strong position on that......I guess maybe proving to myself I could embrace aging......which as I have said I was, and a little too much.....not so much an embrace but a resignation.....but what happens with my hair as it gets white, is that the rest of the color lightens in the sun, and the color just drains out......fading so fully.....a beautiful white emerging actually....like a blonde highlight.....but the rest of it is this weird color, just a washed out color.....and my hair took a HUGE hit for awhile.....my pregnancy with my daughter at 40 took from my hair, and it was not the same after for a long time, and then when she was 2 my ex began his affair, and my hair was falling out in clumps due to the stress....and it was hard to lose what I had come to hang onto within my identity so to speak.....may sound weird but true.....and I grieved my hair and did not like it for a long time.......and as I got healthier, two years after my divorce, I decided to dye it.....a natural color, more my strawberry blonde era....and it felt better as I was reclaiming my youth, and shedding all the stress and aging that had taken over my life.....but it was still pretty thin......so I found a collagen that I have been drinking for a couple of years that I LOVE......it is a splurge, my only one really a month.....but it has changed the game for my hair.....my hair is growing at a rapid rate and longer than it has been in my later adult life....and I love it.....and I had written before about the lady accidentally dyeing my hair darker in the spring, initially struggling with the oopsy and then loving it.....and so yesterday I grabbed the next shade of my own dye, and went all in and did it myself......and I LOVE it.....having an auburn energy now feels like me as I step into these new versions of me.....it is funny how hair can feel that way right?? Yesterday it made me really feel SO good to change it, and deepen it all.....the richness taking over, and perhaps the Leo eclipse was having her say, as Leo is my moon sign;-) I could even see it in my video and when I posted my story that my hair felt more like me, silly but true........But I think more than all this hair business, is that this chapter is about me.....and doing stuff that makes me feel good.....not feeling subject to doing anything to impress anybody else.....but fully embodying my identity.....and it shows me how far I have left fear in the rearview......I would have been terrified to dye my hair in my old life, in fact was which was why I waited so long, but then add my doing it MYSELF......what???? lol:) And that simple act of doing deeper auburn yesterday, all in, fearlessly........shows me that it just doesn't rule my life anymore......AT ALL.......I am living a life that is my own......and not ruled by fear.....but ruled by the pull of my heart......and it feels really amazing......not letting "what if" stop me at the gate......but walking right by and doing my thing.....so this is my new shade.....till another call touches my heart;-) Medium auburn seems just right.....love the contrast it gives me.....I have loved being a redhead most of my life......and as it stands now, I won't succumb to my white any time soon......maybe when I hit my 90s ;-) THIS feels like me, and for now I am keeping it:) Don't fear the dye ladies......or dyeing it yourself:) It feels freeing to me to do it when it needs it, and not wait for my appointment or anything, and oh also saving some serious cash:) Sovereign stuff indeed! Enjoy the day:) xoxo