Crazy about each other.......

I had a sad and powerful dream about my ex husband this weekend......we were relating to each other in a different way.....not back together......but in a space that honored what we once shared......and I think that coupled with having my kids talk some about their feelings surrounding it all, while we drove to that event Saturday morning, and passed where we got married played into all of what was unearthed this weekend.......retrograde and reexamination doing its thing for us all.....and yesterday my intention was to head to Mohonk, and buy the hiking pass and go ALL in....but on Halloween night I found another leak in my basement related to my septic.....which is frustrating because my septic is relatively new......my ex and I replaced it about 8 years ago.....and I just serviced it in April for the float needing to be replaced.....and I am trusting it will all work out, and not attaching to any of it, the guy comes today......but I thought it better to go to High Point.....free and which is so beautiful too.....I always forget how amazing it is there.......and we did some walking around......and had a lovely time after church......and then we headed to DQ......I had worked there for 10 years through high school and college......and my ex husband used to come see me there the first time we dated......and I was headed there to get my annual pumpkin ice cream:) My daughter joining me this time........And I guess this weekend felt like it was an important time to reinforce the light in our story with my kids......I never speak ill of their dad to them......I have been so careful.....I validate their experience but never speak badly about their dad.........and my girl has pieced together the events based on her experience......so she knows that infidelity was at play based on meeting his girlfriend so soon after he left......even though that was not what I wanted for them.......and she is a smart cookie......intuitive in all of the ways.......but I myself have struggled to hold the love we shared with the pain he handed me.......having space to hold them both......the capacity to........and having that very vivid dream, and then finding myself in places that reminded me of long ago helped me somehow.........so yesterday I said the words......I told my kids that your dad and I were crazy about each other at one point, and actually for a long time......his throwing me a surprise party for my 30th........my girl had asked how old I was when I had my son and that piece of information came up........and reconciling the crazy about each other stuff with the rest is SOOOOOOO hard.............like how???? And I have had to do it more than once......having that be true in my last story too......we were crazy about each other too.....and part of the healing season I am in is asking me to find a REAL place for both of those truths to coexist well........the love and the pain.........and it is challenging work to do psychologically........because they are contradictory, and they feel so deeply contradictory.......but it was good for my kids to hear that.....and it wasn't as if yesterday was the first time they heard it.....I have made sure they have known that before.....especially my daughter, because she was so young when he left and her memories limited to that awful time under the weight of his affair........and I think what this weekend allowed for was for me to say and feel it in a new way and for them to hear it in a new way.......and I think that was important......for us all.........this retrograde is in Venus, and now Mercury, and not for the faint of heart, because it lands in Scorpio.....all those hidden and deep matters.....so if you are feeling so much of so much and having some relationship examining......you are right on time.......Venus ruling love and money and so much more too........As of November 13th it ends, thank goodness lol:) But this work is important.......it is important to FEEL what comes our way and work through what it is that is asked of us......So I am approaching this season with that energy.....willing to look at.......to feel.........to heal whatever comes my way so I can move forward.......it was a lovely and poignant weekend to some degree......and it most definitely showed me what I needed to see.......Happy Monday :) xoxo