The dismantling.......

It is very hard to describe and articulate fully what has been happening for me this year, I know I do my best each day to express what it is I am experiencing, and where my journey has been taking me.......but I can't always put it fully into words.....and today finds me realizing that this year, has called for a complete dismantling of the old, in terms of self worth, to allow for the new in 2027......I really believe that and have a deep knowing I cannot describe.........I came into this life hardwired with the desire to be warm and loving inside of love, needed and helpful, mistaking being needed for being loved, and over giving, doing all of the heavy lifting and eventually feeling the resentment that comes with that imbalance......coupled with having an enormous threshold for hanging in........being loyal and true long after I should have been, long after the relationship makes sense anymore......enduring beyond madness, and this last relationship tested that blueprint again......and I can say this morning that again I stayed longer than made sense, however this time I also left it long before my past self would have......I was already transforming in March 2025, beginning to touch the woman that sits here this morning........the beginning of it all......the understanding that words and actions were not aligning.....and that I was losing myself inside of another relationship.......that the treatment was unacceptable, but most of all that deception had entered our story, I felt it so fully......and really who knows how long it had been present with what I know now....and well this morning who cares.........I don't anymore.......the regret I speak of in terms of that relationship is real.......it is human.......but it is not fully true......that relationship was needed to catapult me into all of this and as I have unpacked this year, I now understand so fully that what came to find me this year was here to have me deep dive into the depths of my own limitations.......things that have been holding me back in love all of my life and CHANGE THOSE PATTERNS........by staring at them in the light of day and not looking away, even when it was so damn difficult to face and sit with.......and obliterating those factory settings......I will never behave that way in love again.......never.....and what a RELIEF.........because I set out in each relationship thinking it was a completely different one than the last......in every way.....and in the end I ended up at the same intersection......same betrayal story.....same lies......same.......and well that is maddening.....and so much more.......and the key to finally changing that pattern once and for all, was to CHANGE ME........ I now know that the energy that found me came to do that.......not allowing for one more story to follow that futile pattern......I am not the same woman that entered 2026.......not by a long shot......and light years from the woman that was left by her husband in January of 2021.......as I have said.....I hold grace and love for all the versions of myself.......they brought me HERE.....they survived unimaginable heartache and pain.....the shattering of their tender heart, and trust in the people they loved so much......and each time standing back up.......over and over......and facing themselves, looking hard in the mirror, asking each version how did you contribute to your suffering girl?? Where were you looking away when you should have been honoring your worth?? And not looking away, but going to WORK.......And THIS year was THE one.........the year that gave me the keys, the tools, the understanding, the energy and grit to make the changes I needed to FINALLY when it comes to all of these things and more.......so the sovereignty I feel today was EARNED.......I could have avoided all of the work, lots of people do just that......but my desire for a new day and a new story is deep:) And old doors don't open you up to a new life! So this morning finds me grateful as November is knocking on my door and only two months remain in this year........THIS year has been a game changer for me and a year that will hold a special place in my heart......knowing that it came to show me what I deserve but also help me transform in a way that allows for me to receive what is coming in 2027:) AMEN! Enjoy the day, wish me luck I am going to attempt to survive Halloween activities at school lol:) Happy Friday!