A truly harrowing experience yesterday......

I ended up having a great day at work, kickball game was a hit.....I was the pitcher, which was so fun, and my long time friend from work supported the kids in all of their roles too.....we laughed a lot, and it took them a little bit to learn how to play......but they all got there and it was a hit......so I left work on a high......ready for my weekend......admiring the beautiful trees as I drove.....I needed to stop and get gas which is often the case lol:) And I stopped somewhere I often do.....and it was a convenience type place so I wasn't planning on filling it there.....just throwing $25 in.....so as I went to stop the nozzle it was stuck on......not letting me let go to stop pumping, and it kept going and going........and so I thought maybe if I pulled it up a little, I could get the lever to release......and as I pulled it out it kept going, and I panicked afraid it was going to overflow.....but also having it begin to spray against my car and back at me, so luckily I jumped out of the way to avoid getting a huge amount in my face or eyes......my jeans and shoes were soaked.......I instinctively threw the nozzle still pouring gas out.....and ran out of the way calling for help from inside........they turned the pump off......and gas was all over the ground around my car and on me......and I had also thought enough to close my driver door during it as it was spraying up there too......the owners came out.....realizing that the nozzle malfunctioned but saying I could have hit cancel on the pump.....but in that moment that had not come to me, and I do not blame myself for that......I was flustered, clearly....... and scared......and covered in gas.....and it was soaking through to my skin through my jeans at the bottom.....I told them that I had just paid for $58 in gas with most of it on the ground......however I did not have time to unpack that, as all my instincts knew I needed to go, and get home and change etc.....I told them I had to go and they agreed and apologized.......I still had a half an hour ride and I drove with all the windows down.......mind spinning in what just happened......I eventually pulled over, it was a rural road, and took my pants off in the car, and my shoes and socks because the smell was awful and threw them in the back on the floor.....the entire ride wanting to throw them out the window, and get them out of my car, but not wanting to litter ete......so I drove home in my shirt and underwear.......and then close to home I could feel the relief as the smell was SO strong and then a person pulled out right in front of me.......I hit the brakes and swerved into the other lane, where luckily nobody was coming......this was only a mile or so before my house......that adding to the adrenaline and state I was in, and I got home.......pulled in the garage.....windows down....bagged up my clothes and sneakers which are now garbage.......and then didn't know what to do, all I could smell was gas, even when I came in......I called poison control, and found out that since I did not ingest it or get it in my eyes, which truly was some kind of miracle, I was OK.....she told me to shower which I was planning to......and I thanked her and then I took a LONG shower......and afterward sat for a minute to finally collect myself, and let the adrenaline leave......I called the gas station back, and told them I was sorry I did not stay longer to figure it all out but had to go, the gas was starting to burn my leg some etc.....he told me he was so sorry m'am and understood, I also reiterated that the nozzle is defective and he knew that and also apologized........it was one of those situations that does not come with a handbook.....just grateful on all accounts it wasn't worse.....then my girl and I went to the football game for a bit to support Gabe, I hit the carwash on the way......not wanting any gas that hit the paint to affect it, and trying to get rid of the smell, and then left my car out with the windows cracked......was able to talk to a friend last night to process some.....but I will say as a single person.......those times are the only ones that make me feel alone, completely......I have my kids but it is not their burden to carry....and this time my parents are away......last November I had a life threatening allergic reaction, and I was lucky to have them there at the hospital with me.....but I guess it made me feel, that I have become good at wiping my own tears.....being my own solace, and safe place.......and it makes me feel grateful to be going tonight to be with such close friends and feel their love and support......I am for sure rich in the friend department:) So gratitude is ruling my day, and I will meditate and pray this morning and find my center.....you never know........life happens in a minute, that is true......and I am so grateful for the divine protection that envelopes my kids and I.....and continue to trust and have faith in that! Happy Saturday! xoxo