Did you consider THIS???

I don't feel considered much of the time in this life in certain places in my life.....and sometimes that is especially painful because I really do my best to consider others.....and THAT feeling showed up yesterday in like 5 different places in my life.....and working to assert yourself, and shed the doormat energy you may have once possessed, is not easy and it is tiring......because as I shift and change, and understand so much, having crisp clarity arrive for me, the people around me need some time to acclimate too.....and what was OK or tolerable once upon a time, just isn't now......and it is tricky business......no question.......and some places are easier to assert ourselves.....and some aren't right?? Some cycles have played for a long time....but what I do know, is that my wound is the same wound, finding its way to being activated in all sorts of ways on repeat. And maybe that is what is needed for real lasting change to take hold.....I am a person that has demonstrated strength and resilience in the face of the things that have found me, and sometimes that makes you the person that gets the least considered......because people think you got it.....you are fine......you don't need a thing, but also when you are easy going the same happens.......the most difficult person in any situation is the one that people consider......not wanting to trigger or set that person off.....that is true.......and maybe it is human nature......I know I have considered the difficult person many times in my life.....as to not complicate a flow......but it is frustrating ......and yesterday all these places converged.......all at once......showing me where things were feeling that way.......and it was frustrating to say the least......but also telling.......making me realize I have more work to do on my boundaries....and how I move in the world. Not being tempted to fall back into complacency in terms of my worth and the rest.......and as I have said many times, I do have some people in my life that make me feel those things I have longed for, for as long as I can remember.....but I am realizing there is a big pull to wanting to feel those things on repeat....so yesterday I retreated into silence some.....dealing with what I needed to, but then letting it all settle......and that seemed best.....letting a good night's sleep quell the aggravation I was feeling......I am really excited about getting away to hike this weekend.....like really excited:) I so need it......and it is supposed to be gorgeous.......I have had some really fun things step forward for this fall.......and the holiday season has become complicated for me over the years......once upon a time appearing to be the easiest and by far my favorite and some of that is still true......the decorations though lol:) But some of the other dynamics find me weary.....and so I guess that is in the back of my mind.....navigating this holiday season feeling like ME......the new me that fought to be here.....the one that considers herself when others still don't......the one that knows what she wants and needs more clearly each day......and the one that is no longer willing to abandon herself to make others comfortable......so I am still growing and learning and understanding so much of so much......and being tested lol:) There seems to always be THAT.......enjoy the day:) xoxo