Moriah Wilson.......

I spent this weekend staying close to home.....reveling in the rain, and moment to catch my breath......my daughter got to play with the neighbors in a fort they created in the top of our shed as the rain came pouring down and had great fun.....and my son is nursing a tiny cold......so being in felt perfect......so I busied myself around the house....cooking, making him my magical medicinal tea;-) and meal prepping for the week....I read some, and did some work for my business.....and I deep cleaned my bedroom, went through my closet and drawers....confirming my problem with clothes and shoes lol:) But I also watched some documentaries.....which I haven't done in awhile.....and I just finished one a little bit ago, and felt compelled to do my blog early tonight, and write because I was so deeply moved by it....it is called the "The Truth and Tragedy of Moriah Wilson," and it was about this beautiful bright light of a human, a female cyclist, who was tragically murdered at 25......as a result of a complicated love triangle that she was not fully aware she was involved in.....and I will not spoil the details in case you choose to watch.....but what I will say is the light and love in her family, and IN HER was palpable in this documentary, and deeply moving......and her death was a tragedy in every single way, just mind numbingly senseless......and the end found me crying pretty deeply and abruptly......it has actually been awhile since I have cried like that.....in fact I cannot remember the last time.....or why......and I am not sure what that is about.....I suppose I have always viewed tears as sacred some? Used for deep cleansing......and I always let them come, never fighting them if I can help it.....but letting them organically flow.....however nobody would tell you that I ever used tears to manipulate a thing.....in fact my ex husband used to joke that if I was crying there was indeed something profoundly real at its source......no crocodile tears here.....however I have always been able to weep easily with grief as the cause....crying for days over the deep losses I have endured, and sometimes crying tears I was sure would never end......but sometimes I wonder if I cry enough in my day to day........but I can't force it, that is true, so I trust when they need to come they will.......but having said that, letting them flow a little bit ago.....was SO cleansing.....and I think as I cried for this beautiful girl's life, and the lives of her beautiful family, and the tragedy they had visit them, but at the beauty and resilience that still lived there.......I also cried for me.......realizing how much pain there is to carry in this world.....SO much.....and sometimes that fact overwhelms me.......but also at the same time realizing that an equal amount of indescribable beauty lives in this world....and I am both humbled and grateful for the existence of both.......realizing so fully that you cannot have one without the other........that is just the way it is......and my heart was so full as the tears streamed......feeling ALL of it.......the pain, and the beauty that lives in my story......and it was such a cathartic moment........my workshops are FULL.....FULL after just one having taken place, the girls are coming back to each one for the next 6 sessions.....and I spent this afternoon opening up new dates, and planning out another set of workshops for another group of girls to begin their journey.....and like I GET TO do this on the other side of pain I thought might swallow me whole......pain I could not get away from at one point.....just unrelenting waves washing over me over and over again..... pounding my battered heart and body on the sand......and yet the sun STILL shines on the other side of that.....getting to also work with women that inspire me with their stories and their determination to overcome........and I suppose as the tears came it was all of it having its say.....the loss of those I have loved so fiercely.....the tragedy of their deaths......the loss of love.....of trust.....of innocence........of all of it......the pieces of me that no longer exist within my new life......and the beauty of Moriah, both inside and out, and her beautiful life really moved me and touched me....a woman I have never met, but felt her energy touch mine........and she did not deserve the end that met her life.......not even a little......and I suppose it speaks to the faith I have in the trajectory of life.....the world is a magical, and tragic place...and our arms need to be big enough to embrace it all.....to hold it sometimes and carry it all.....and I suppose sometimes it spills over.....and perhaps that is what tears are all about.......the sign that there is no more room inside of us for the emotion that lives there......and so tears carry the overflow and make room for more......at least that thought seems to be a lovely one tonight.....so that is it....that is my piece tonight.....will be posting this in the morning.....but wanted the imprint of the experience to breathe in my words tonight......not waiting till morning to try and capture the emotion that lives in tonight......check out the documentary if it calls to you.......and I see you carrying all of those things too.......xoxox