IT IS HAPPENING!

I have been writing for quite sometime about the west calling to me.....and I had hoped to pull off a big western travel extravaganza for myself, and my kids this year but it is not in the cards......which means I have this year to work toward that goal for us next year:)......hiking all the most amazing places and living our best lives next summer! But in the meantime I had been invited to a women's retreat in Wyoming to celebrate one of my childhood friend's 50th birthdays......and I was working toward the way finding its way.....and it did! I have been saving my money for the ticket, a little at a time, and found a ticket that worked with the budget I gave myself! I bought that ticket yesterday and IT IS HAPPENING.....my kiddos will be hanging with my parents, and living their best lives swimming in their pool......and doing all of the things....and they love it there so it is a gift to them too....and I would by lying if I said I did not have a mama guilt moment.....I am very rarely without my kids......we are a unit....and I do not make plans very often that include me being away from them when I am with them.....but I am working through the mom guilt, and knowing that it is OK.....and that I can do things for me from time to time. They are with me most of the time and that is a gift to my life for sure and feels like how it should be........and I found a decent flight price and that is essentially the only cost to me too.....,which is such a gift in it of itself....once in a lifetime opportunity stuff, we are staying at her place.....she care takes for this picturesque property......so we get to spend time there......they have a lodge......and she has this magical itinerary for us planned..........and I know that I do have some work to do around that mom guilt piece....I was thinking if I had met somebody local to date, it would feel near impossible to spend time together.....because I won't have men in and out of my children's lives, so since I am with my kids all of the time they wouldn't be......it took me so long in my last relationship to lower those boundaries, and truthfully only worked for as long as it did because of the long distance......and it feels creepy to have a babysitter come so I can go out and date.....they are not with their dad often, and he works a lot too so it is challenging....and I am trusting that as challenging as it all feels when the time is right those challenges will fall away and work themselves out......in the meantime taking a few days to go to Wyoming and have a once in a lifetime experience due to all the circumstances feels like a reasonable thing for me to do, and my kiddos and I chatted about it and they were in full support of it too:) It is such a fine line between being supportive and present as a mom but also balanced......because I want my own daughter to give herself permission one day to do things for her too, without guilt.....I believe it is one of the things that is wrong with our world......we applaud depletion in moms......saying good job! You are running ragged and giving to everybody but you, and doing awesome.....and I disagree.....I think you can be a terrific mother, and have your kids feel your presence deeply, and still make your needs a priority.....in fact I believe that is paramount and makes you a better mama:) so I suppose as I express all of this this morning I am working toward finding the balance better in big ways....I have it knocked in the day to day.....I get up early and pour into my cup before they get up....and try and use the weekends that they do go with their dad to fill my cup......this weekend I am using a facial gift certificate I got for my birthday, and have never had one, so I am excited :) and I am spending some time with a great friend......so despite being a single mom, and having the lion's share of it all in my life, and happily so, it feels perfect for me.....not depleting.....but this time it is a YES!!!! Wyoming is in my sights in about a month, and I could not be more excited, and know that it will be a life changing experience and it feels really timely.....for my new era, and I am proud of myself for saying yes.....I contemplated not going, and almost talked myself out of it for lots of reasons......but ultimately the circumstances lined up for it to be a yes......and as you know, I trust that implicitly;-).....and as my new sense of self worth takes hold.....this is in line with that too......I deserve to have some time away to recharge and have an experience that is all my own......and working through the discomfort of that is part of the work I am doing now too.....plus I will get to scout it out ahead of time some and be ready for our adventure next year.....so I am ALL IN.....no turning back, cheers to adventure, and living a life I am crazy about, me myself and I, and always my kiddos:)