If she had only known......

My Nanna used to say if you knew what was up ahead Jenny, you would fold up.....it is better that we don't know......she was one of the few people that have called me Jenny in this life.........and just before I started my blog this morning, I was looking at a painting I recently hung in my bedroom.....it found its way back to me at my 50th birthday party.....one of my friends when I was a teen, and young person painted it of me.....my thrift store vintage "leather" jacket hanging on the back of the chair in the painting.....white shirt and jeans.....and my face sullen some.....maybe rebellious.....defiant........certainly not knowing what was going to come....the evolution her life would take.....marching to the beat of her own drum the entire way.....I remember at the time getting a kick out of his offering the opportunity to paint me.....the hardest part was my staying quiet that long lol:) But it is remarkable that the painting found me again all of these years later, he brought it to my party as a gift.....and apropos......as the painting was painted in the before.....my life had had some challenges up until that point.....but it was before all of the rest.....and here I sit....in my bed.....sipping my coffee, writing this blog as a transformed woman.....and I am guessing 50 years from now I will feel like a different woman again....and perhaps that is what life is.......honoring the version of us that we are, while we are them...not wishing for what happens next....but living in what is happening now....and who we are now.....and I have been doing that......thinking even now the woman I was two years ago is no longer here either.....rapid transformation of mind, body, and spirit.....and that change is the only constant and repeat......and I have been working with intense energy.....no doubt.....but I have been facing it, with an open heart, willingness.....an open spirit, and truly being open to what it needs to teach me and letting it transform my life.....in the ways it needs to be......we need not fear what comes....ever.......but embrace the change it brings......and I do my best to remember that in the day to day......knowing that everything really is working out for us......I celebrated a friend's child graduating yesterday at their party.....her last child to fly the coop.....and she too is a single mama, and the potential of love has arrived in her life.....I got to meet him, and my heart swelled and soared for her......she deserves SO much of SO much.....and the timing is........well......perfect.......and THAT is what I am talking about......never forcing just allowing....the ebb and flow in our lives similar to the waves in the ocean....bringing to our shores ALL of it.....and so when I look at the painting in my room, I think to myself would she have believed it all......if I sat in front of her, and told her the tale she would live in to this point......would it have scared her.......overwhelmed her....she likely would have thought she could not endure it all......but she DID.......my Nanna was right in her words of wisdom.....we often attach conjecture to stuff we know nothing about......and that is foolish.....often times the reality of something is different than the imagined version......the journey has been arduous, but so damn breathtaking.....and something tells me the next 50 will be the best yet......embodying the lessons learned so far and putting them into action, and repeat! Happy Sunday:) xoxo