I know YOU know......

Because I did too.....If you are in the wrong relationship......the unhealthy one......the toxic one, the one that is slowly eating away at you, I am calling you out this morning.....with love:) xox0.....I know you know you are in the wrong place......you are questioning an argument that happened....or what was just said to you.....or what your partner did, and thinking is this right, or normal?? Do other people accept this......nobody is perfect right?? The good outweighs the bad.......they have such potential if they would just_____________. Did that just happen??.......Maybe if I do this, they won't do___________maybe if I just love harder, or do more great things, it will turn back around.....it was so good in the beginning right?? I know they will get back to that place right??.......If it existed once then it can again, right?? He didn't mean to say that......he can be short tempered sometimes, it is just part of his personality......that is one of those things you have to take the good with the bad right?? He makes me happy most of the time, right?? Not wanting to tell my family and friends the stuff that hurts me is normal right? They wouldn't understand, and judge it, and him.....it isn't that bad anyway, and all relationships have their problems right??? ALL OF THIS IS WRONG......and I know, not even because I have lived in the contrast of it all within a relationship, but because I have lived on the other side, in the contrast of a life without any of this nonsense.....alone long enough to have clarity arrive......and really amid all I just tried to express, is THIS........having to feel like you need to make excuses for another person, ever......is your sign....whether you are making those excuses in your mind, or to others, there is YOUR sign.....and here is the thing too....you have the right to devote your life to the trying, and to the relationship you think you deserve.....but I am here to tell you you deserve more......WAY more than what you are settling for.......spending precious years of your life pouring love into futile spaces....and I can only write this SO confidently because I have worked with women that were me.....articulating all of what I just did, OVER AND OVER, as clarity comes to knock the rose colored glasses onto the floor......I was good at shining light on, and expressing the best in another person, speaking honestly, but lying by omission........leaving out the ugly parts that hurt my heart......burying them away......shoving them in a closet, so I could prepare the house for company......with a silent ache that lived in my heart....and here is what I learned.....it never gets better.......usually worse....we teach others how to treat us, and what we tolerate becomes the norm......status quo......and what I can say with certainty is I will never put up with it again....never.........the first time I get treated poorly will be the last.....and I have told my daughter the same......she sees it all so clearly too, and has seen me put my worth in the front seat.....and while I accept her journey is her own.....and she will likely have a few boyfriends that are_______the core of her will know that somebody treating you badly does not equate with love.....period......and that her worth is not up for negotiation....and somebody that makes her cry should not have a place in her blanket fort....and she watched me walk away, from a man I was deeply in love with at the time, because my worth was worth more than that relationship.....turns out I was right......my life has only improved since I cut that tie....and stopped lying to myself......and here is the thing I will say to you too....it is NOT easy......I am not trying to oversimplify any of this......it is SO hard......especially if you are wired a certain way......but if a person doesn't want to change....is not willing to do the work, then it won't happen......we need to stop normalizing poor behavior......somebody told me that a man told her friend that she is a bad mom and her divorce screwed up her kids.....meanwhile he has terrible arguments with his own wife behind closed doors......I can tell you which is worse......if my marriage had continued, or that relationship had continued, my kids would not be who they are today.....kids learn what they live......modeling their lives after what they witness.....and the truth of the matter for me now is this.......I will live my whole life alone doing my thing, before I will settle for a man who treats me badly only sometimes......and tell myself that is the price you pay for love....that is nonsense.......I am seeking a man that protects my heart as I do....and isn't perfect, but would never want to cause me pain......and owns their behavior too, and I won't stop having faith and belief that it exists......and you shouldn't either:) YOU DESERVE IT, if nobody has told you that lately.....let me tell you, and here is your sign......truly........xoxo