How about that.....???

I love dreams and the analyzing of them, and the wondering about them.....and this week I have been taking on a very vivid Odyssey in my dreams of safety, and what it feels like to be safe in somebody's energy.....and being responsible for keeping somebody safe.....and in some of my dreams it was my responsibility to my kids.....and in some it was the responsibility of the people in my life.....romantically....and it has been a stroll down memory lane.....one previous counterpart taking me to this rundown hotel in my dream but with the best intentions, and joy and excitement in his face, under the premise that we were on a trip and having fun......and I was kind of horrified of the conditions but torn about feeling grateful that he "tried".......and supporting his joy, and one involved keeping my son safe from a tornado that was bearing down.....and one was being on a date with somebody I had dated that ended up not being safe, but the date made me feel so safe and comfortable in this hugely peaceful way.....and I think in recognizing that theme as I was remembering 9/11......and the connection I made to that impacting my feeling of being safe in the world all those years ago......l also feel that notion is a source of heartache for me....the fact that I have always felt responsible to keep myself safe....and never felt I could really lean on somebody in a real way.....only glimpses of it at certain points, but overall a pervasive feeling of if it will be it is up to me.....and being so responsible for the day to day stuff for myself and my kids......and perhaps that is the part of my heart that always aches the most.....the part where I see couples and people that truly can count on their person.....knowing that they are not doing them dirty behind their backs.....knowing that they are true, and honorable, and never needing to question that......that is truly a gift in a person's life, and when I look back, I have never had that, even during times when I maybe thought I did, there was still this underlying anxiety and distrust.....which is why being single has felt as good as it has......because that piece is gone, I no longer look over my shoulder, or worry, or wonder, or feel the angst that comes with unreliability, or an erratic nature......but there is sadness in that.....and I think the 9/11 stories maybe brought that forward too......because there were so many heartbreaking, and beautiful love stories amid all of that.....people that were tried and true.....and I yearn for the tried and true SAFETY that comes with that kind of thing......and it has eluded me all of my life and what I felt I was continually shown is that I can only count on me, and I have gotten better and better at it, keeping all of the promises to me, and am for sure somebody I can count on and trust.....realizing that Whitney was a wise gal, "The Greatest Love of ALL!" the one we show ourselves, and my self love has filled in most of those spaces......the ones that got damaged under a lack of love and trust......but all of these dreams showed me the message my subconscious was musing on.....and for sure when love finds my life again, I will be entering it as a whole woman:) Not yearning to have any spaces filled by anybody......but perhaps the safety piece will be the greatest gift they will give me:) Another giver, another loyal ride or die human:) ........beautiful to think on:) Happy Sunday! We are excitedly packing for our trip next week! Feeling so blessed and lucky:) xoxo