All choked up.......

Yesterday I had written about September 11th and it still profoundly affects me.....as it does so many......we did a full minute of silence yesterday morning at school and some of my boys were being silly and laughing.....and that is total kid stuff.....kids laugh when they feel uncomfortable......but I very clearly expressed that it is not funny, or a reason to laugh, and for the first time in a long time we talked about it some....they had some questions or comments to make, and most of the kids knew something about it.....but as I was talking about the great courage and great sadness that lived in that day.......I got emotional.....all choked up and that emotion lives right under the surface where my grief lives......that whale I speak of that swims within me......peacefully coexisting......holding all the pain I have endured, and coming to the surface to get air when needed......the whale emerged as I stood in front of the room.......and I actually ended up having to leave half day yesterday.....I was fighting a wannabe stomach bug for 24 years between Thursday and Friday....not actually getting sick, but feeling super fatigued and nauseated, no appetite, I feel much better this morning thankfully....so when I got home I took to my bed, and got some much needed rest and then deep dove into 9/11 stories before my kids came home.....and I couldn't help myself, even though it is a dark and powerful rabbit hole.....and I guess what still impresses me so much today is THAT day.......it will likely always be remembered as one of the darkest in human history, I am not sure anybody would argue that, BUT it was also one of the most magical and light filled.......the stories of courage, and hope, and love, and light.....and the serendipitous circumstance that kept some people safe, and gave others comfort as they passed.....the willingness people had to help one another, and help save lives was just amazing......and as I think of it today.....I believe as a whole our humanity is still present today, if you focus on those places, and keep your eyes open......but there is also great darkness that lives in the world today.....and it sounds trite right.....we are taught over and over in all spiritual practices that LOVE IS THE ANSWER........but it is TRUE.......Love is the only thing that eradicates darkness.......so fully.......and I suppose we keep being shown that.....yet we forget......or don't listen, and I think that is the notion that I have been doing my best to keep in the forefront of my mind, my north star the last couple years above all else......to lead with love no matter what happens to me, or what others do or don't do.....and my Pastor is the best, he jokes that every sermon he preaches is about love......the only thing......lol and he is not wrong....and probably the most skilled person at preaching about it in what feels like new and wonderful ways each week.......so the way to honor those that had to face unimaginable peril, and sadness, and horror on 9/11 really is to live with love for others.....it really is.......so many bright lives lost that day......and love is the ONLY answer......Amen.......happy Saturday......xoxo