Hi there, MY person:)

Yesterday had a sweet signature......I was celebrating the women that broke glass ceilings yesterday fully.....I choose not to speak politics here, or share mine, for lots of reasons, but politics aside............ I think there were some profound victories for women in this election that deserve to be celebrated......I also found out that my car was truly only a new battery......a very expensive battery due to its make and model, but just a battery......so that was a relief.......but the sweetest signature that hit me yesterday lived within the relationship I share with my daughter......I was walking to my car yesterday from work, or more specifically my parent's car that I borrowed.....and my phone lit up, Facetime from my girl.......so I answered.....and got in the car......she had been excitedly anticipating her report card......and wanted to do the unveiling with me.....I was the FIRST person that she thought of to do that with, and then she called my parents when we got off the phone.......but I was the first.....and am always the first person she shares her news with, and I am HER person, in ALL of it every day......and I have EARNED that spot......being fiercely RIGHT THERE for her every minute of her 10 years, and even more so after her dad left.......her little 4 year old self so heartbroken, and needing a safe space amid her storm......and despite my own storm I obliged with everything I could muster, for she and my boy.....and it has shown up in our relationships.....they are rock solid.......SO CLOSE........and I guess I realized it before, but something about yesterday and watching her delight in sharing her news with me made that all the more powerful......and she got straight A's......of course, her wish for herself.....I can say that I check in with her each day as to what she has to do.....but it is all her.....I hang back and she gets her stuff done and studies etc......she is on top of all of that......she makes it easy.....and I think that " MY Person" stuff has been complicated for me.....I have loved people that were duplicitous all of of my life romantically......capable of making a person feel like they were their person, like home, but then turning around and doing that for another person too.....and breeding that energy of uncertainty that makes a person feel seasick......because on the other side they never needed to wonder if I was THEIR person, right there, loyal and true, like a golden retriever lying at your feet.......and I suppose that was most painful in my last relationship......because we were so kindred and had a deep and fun friendship above the rest, and my feeling his divided attention, or even his being honest about supposed platonic relationships, but feeling them pulling his attention.....and I am a freedom person, not wanting my freedom dampened, or dampening another's freedom.......telling them what they should do, or not do.......people will do what they want regardless of any of that.....but what it bred in me was something that didn't even feel like me at certain points.....a competition to be the one that captured his undivided attention, which I am not sure will ever be possible......his need to have his sense of self filled with outside attention from women seems to be at the root of so much of what I witnessed.....but as I have said before I truly hope for his sake, and for his loved one's sake he evolves beyond that pattern.....once and for all, because it has been his forever blueprint......but for me and our time together it became toxic quicksand.....my feeling like a conquest for him.....the one that wouldn't go all in for so long.....the one that for the beginning part, and for so long wasn't even sure she wanted to be anything more than friends......his chasing me, and when I finally relented......... and gave in, he shifted gears, and began to feel elusive and inconsistent often......evasive......sketchy.....so much.......and I express all of that within the context of being a person's person........I am blessed to have people in my life that feel like my person.....quite a few actually as I think of it......a phone call away, and they would hold space for whatever it is I need.......and ditto:) I am blessed to be spending this Friday night with some of them at my friend's lake house again:) But the realization that the one that matters most belongs to my daughter hit me yesterday.....harder than usual.......there is a loyalty in my children that runs deep like the one that lives within me......I am guessing that was by design:) And that place is a beautiful spot for us......kindred and true......and watching her sweet and growing face look into that phone with the excitement and anticipation we were about to share, was EVERYTHING.....truly......and I will forever be RIGHT there.....and anybody that comes into my life will need to deeply understand that.......I might become another person's person someday, and them mine, FOR REAL, but I will forever also belong to my two favorite humans, and nothing will change that, ever:) And it is a gift I will never take for granted......xoxo