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Are you serious????

  • jperuso
  • Feb 18, 2023
  • 2 min read

I feel like one of the places I have grown the most in this story has been my acceptance of how my relationship needs to be with my ex......and my willingness to keep my eye on the high road, and never allow my vibrational space to be disrupted by any of it......I could likely write a book about the amount of things I have needed to swallow on a regular basis related to that situation....some stuff is small to swallow, some bigger.....but all of it requires me to put aside my ego to be able to do it.....if I let my ego get all up in it.....I get lost in the low level feelings, swallowed up, and get pulled down and instantly swept away.......so instead my eye stays on my path......and I lay down my ego and respond accordingly.......last night I got a text that threatened to drag me in.....my trying to impart logic and reason and justice etc, my desire to communicate and explain and reason coming forward, and I started to respond from that space, and then deleted it all, and just responded simply.....and took my power back in that moment.....not worth it.......the result not fruitful, never worth it.....and each time I am so perplexed at his lack of seeing anything from any place but his own viewpoint......never for one second seeing it from my side......or any other side.....when I feel I do try to see it from his side.......but again all of it doesn't matter......his role in my life has shrunk down to this tiny place.....his visits with the kids and my placing my involvement in that space.....focusing on that only, and letting go of all the rest......he is mostly irrelevant to me now......by his choice not mine.....no need for me to bother much at all with him or give him much of my attention at all....he has chosen that for our post divorce relationship, and I have obliged.....because that place is where peace lives......where my best life comes from......If I had had my way, I would have much preferred to have alchemized our prior relationship from what it was, into a solid friendship for our children......filled with support and open communication.....and behaving in a way that honors what we shared at one point for our children's sake......but that is not something he wants......so then I choose now what I allow, and what I don't.....and the swallowing that I do to maintain my peace is worth it......sort of observing it from an outside perspective.....not allowing it to get in......not allowing any more hurt to be a part of this story because I am closed off to him in a real sense.......he no longer gets to impact me......so last night when I deleted the response he deserved, and responded in a quieter simpler way........I chose me.....and my truth and peace and sent a clear message to him that my peace is not for sale, that I am not engaging......I just am not.......my energy is not for him......anymore......it just isn't........

 
 
 

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