2,000 what!!??...........

Doing anything for 2,000 times is a lot right?? But we all have done things in our lives countless times.....and some of those experiences are mundane, and others are ones we love.....today I am writing my 2,000th blog......and it is kinda hard to believe.....I started it a few days after my ex left, being deeply encouraged by a few people in my life at the time to do that......feeling called to give my pain room to breathe.....and turns out it was a divinely placed gift in my life......a call I answered as a forever writer.....but one that hadn't had time to write as much as she wanted to.....and the moment it began I was hooked.....it has been like exercise for my mind......a place to release the valve some......a therapeutic and healing spot in my life and it helps me start my day more centered and clear......and I have never done it for followers.....never, or for it to explode.....in fact when it began I had no intention to have a business or any of it at all, it was my pre marketing strategy before I knew I was marketing a thing lol:) And I have had hundreds of readers on some days when the headlines are salacious, or people comment and pique interest;-) But most days it is a smaller following.....but I know from what people have shared that there is a loyal band of readers.....and to each of you I am grateful.....I know for certain a couple of you have read every one......and that feels amazing after all these years.....and I never started it with the intention of still writing it after all of this time.......and I would write it if nobody read, but am thrilled that some folks still do, but most of all I promised myself I would write it until it no longer brings me joy and most days deep healing...and so far that hasn't happened:) The amount of healing that it has brought to my doorstep cannot be overstated, it is 2,000 pieces of me that didn't have to fester and live inside my heart, and were given room to live and breathe beyond, but also make better sense amid the madness I have traveled through and I still like it as much as I did in the beginning......I have written every single day, never missing......vacations.....all of it......a couple of days I had forgotten to post it in the morning rush, but I have written an entry each day......and in the beginning sometimes more than one, and so perhaps this milestone is apropos amid so many others.....turning 50......I Got YOU GIRL emerging......my Phoenix tattoo......my committing to my book......which by the way will be properly punctuated, lol:) I know how, in case you are wondering lol, my stream of consciousness vibe here, was one that began and just stuck....and I have to say writing this way is freedom......just flowing from place to place and from what keystroke wants to have her say......but each day of this blog has been a choice to tell the truth about my life.......as much truth as I have been able to tell all things considered, and some days that truth was heartbreak, some outrage, some days it was gratitude, some days parenting, some healing, some sadness, some joy, some wild excitement, some days it was circling back around to questions I have pondered all along with more clarity each time.....but each day came with consistency......perhaps this being the practice that showed me the power of consistency and let it spread to other parts of my life......This has definitely been my more disciplined era.....opting to go all in on a practice and see where I land.....and this blog has led the way.....and I plan on continuing to write it and evolve......perhaps finding it have an evolution like my life has had......I have some ideas percolating some....:) But beyond what evolution it may take, what I do know is that this anniversary doesn't find me done writing or out of words, not by a long shot! :-)In fact it feels it has only begun.......like this 2,000th blog is closing the beginning chapter post the fallout, and now another begins......so if you are reading.....have been reading.....have read sometimes......or this is your first time reading.....I appreciate you, I really do and THANK YOU for taking the ride:) Cheers to 1,000s more???;-) My love affair of words and wielding them in my life isn't going anywhere lol:) Enjoy the day:) xoxox

I am attaching an early entry today, from the beginning......showing what I understood was happening even then, and in honor of my anniversary:)

I AM SO UNCOMFORTABLE

As I type this my life is the most uncomfortable place I have ever been......like ever.........there is nothing comfortable about getting a divorce, nothing......it becomes even worse when you are forced to survive it by having to surrender your true nature.........so you can do just that........survive......add the global pandemic on top of it and teaching during the pandemic and yeah I am pretty much standing on the outer rim of hell.......;-) like some days it feels that way............I swim in the discomfort from the moment I open my eyes..... till I close them......I am faced with impossible decisions daily and just one insult to injury after another......however the world is often not one thing or the other........I am always fascinated by that duality........and this situation is no exception...............the flip side is that on the other side of that extreme discomfort has been an opportunity to push myself harder than I ever had to find things that bring me some solace amid the storm....... and through that quest I have found some amazing treasures.......I wake up at four am these days.......I creep downstairs and drink coffee in the silence.......my lights on my mantle glowing in the early morning.....I either listen to music, meditate some, blog, talk to my cousin who has been my rock.........and my blog sounding board;-) and I just enjoy the peace........I have music going almost constantly, it brings me such peace and solace, have always loved it but boy it is like magic right now.........haven't watched any TV, haven't binged a thing......I come home and I spend time with my kids, loving on them.....then they Facetime and I run, listen to music, blog again if the mood hits, or read.......another treasured time of day......I flipped the most painful time of day into a treasured time for me........watch me go..........See if you don't get REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE in your life you don't change......you don't move.......you just keep on keeping on........discomfort forces you to MOVE........I never would have ended my marriage........I am pretty sure of that........because I BELIEVED, but you know what......God had other plans.......he MOVED ME.......................I talked to somebody that said she was plucked from her marriage and felt like God plucked her......she had a similar story.......and yeah I definitely feel like the universe and God said it is time Jenn, it is just time..........so the DISCOMFORT I am wrestling with at the moment, will lead to a COMFORT I have only imagined.........and I can't wait..........I feel it.........I am on my way.......