What a liar!.......

While this past week has been pure magic, highlighting another realm of life for me......letting me literally walk the road less traveled.....it shone light further on the work I do to raise the bar on my boundaries, and the treatment of me.....I used to believe that I needed to acquiesce to any and all situations to FIT inside of their world.....never considering mine.....and the big aha on self worth comes when you treat yourself so well that any contrast in that, in terms of the people around you, becomes SO obvious that there is no way back......it becomes unattractive......and this trip was another layer of growth......allowing myself to go and leave my kids to hang with my parents.....my relationship with my kids being fierce, and my working on balancing all of it......giving myself permission to have that time away......my parents loved having them, and said how great they were when I got back, and how easy it is to be with them, I concur:) So it was a joy to us all......but not easy.....and I had written about how I was close to talking myself out of it......so close......but yet I proceeded......and there were many points of discomfort in that......leading up to it.....some fear crept in......the morning of.......what if something happened and I did not make it back from the trip??? I had left a letter for my mom, and a letter for them to have medical care.......but it was a little uncomfortable, not going to lie....and then when I said goodbye and all of us cried, I thought maybe I shouldn't do this......and I think in hindsight I was trying to hear my intuition over my fear......intuition is quiet.......steady.....not jagged and panicky......and what was having its say was the fear.....and I leaned into my faith.......knowing the quiet moments of intuition that had led me to the decision to go.....and that fear is a liar......often times a loud one.....and I trusted it.....realizing that whatever is meant to be, will play out wherever......so trying to control the narrative is futile, or outrun it all, so I set off to travel nearly all the way across the country alone......because I am used to that now......the alone part, and on the other side, pushing past that fear, and last minute flurry of nerves in leaving them was the right choice, and if I had given in and not gone, I would have missed an experience that changed me, and will live inside my heart always:)........and I suppose part of what helped me push through was no longer being subject to the lies that fear tells......but also having the bar set on what I deserve......that I was allowed to say yes to this and still be a great mom.....and that my life is such that if I am to travel some on my own that this is the way....and I have written about my love of traveling with my kids.....that is always the preferred way.....but perhaps a space opened up for me to want to have one chunk of time away a year for me, or every two years......I do a lot of full time parenting on my own......and maybe taking a little trip consistently as time marches on yearly or even over a two year span might be in line.....we shall see.....I am continuing to grow in the space that helps me understand better all of these things......so on the other side, pushing through that fear......that was really rearing up and in my face.....and walking by it to get on the plane, makes me proud to have done so.......knowing the difference now between what fear sounds like, and quiet and wise intuition......very different energy......the delays in my traveling home added to it some......but I kept visualizing the best possible scenario and kept my faith in tact......knowing I would be home again.....and well....here I am.....:) I have become an expert at self soothing......and while it sometimes makes me sad some.....it is necessary in this chapter.....and if you can harness the power in your mind, you can have power in your life.....that is true......and that is where I put energy......mindset, mindset, mindset......so today my kids go to their dad's house.....and I am already eagerly anticipating their return tomorrow, so we can do some cool things this next week.....and I plan on trying to grab a walk today......and then just chilling......truly......I have been so busy, I want to do some writing......and reading......and lean into my need to be solitary too.....that was what struck me too....I spent this past week with the girls and it was amazing.....but I was aware of how solitary I have become in some ways....and how alone time always follows people time for me sometimes lol:) Always balance......:) So this week was a lesson in saying yes to me in a different way......one I needed, and didn't know I did till it was there......and I am feeling so grateful that this opportunity presented itself......One I didn't know I needed.....if you are reading take the trip.....do your best to make it happen......say yes to you sometimes, no matter your circumstance, you deserve it:) Happy Saturday:)