Let me clarify.......

I want to clarify something regarding "Patient Zero," yesterday......and I do not think it came off this way for sure, but wanted to clarify just in case......I do not express any of these things because the men in these stories ended up choosing somebody else ultimately......or in some cases many other women, and the stories evolved the way they have........I want to make that clear, and that fact doesn't leave me taking their inventory because of their new choices or pulls to other places......in fact I believe those are divinely placed too......my ex husband is living in the story he is supposed to be in too.......much better suited for him in every way........and I feel the same about my recent ex, we were clearly not aligned in the end at all, certainly not as we once were, and would not be as I am moving forward.....my issue is ALWAYS with the betrayals.......and the patterns.....so that is what "Patient Zero," speaks to......and I will go one step further.....I myself am scratching my head, wondering how I could hear all of the past examples I was given by a man, of places he betrayed women's trust, or hurt them etc and think for one minute I was going to be different!!!????? That is some kinda psychological craziness......and sounds crazy this morning as I share that, but yet I did......more than once......I guess thinking that my love was going to solve it??? Or my capacity for empathy, compassion, and love would heal it......and I am not speaking to human condition stuff, we all have things we have done that we are not proud of.......things we wish we hadn't.......things that deserve grace and understanding.......I am talking about LONGSTANDING patterns........ones I chose to ignore......ones that today would be so clearly flags that I would hightail it out of there without a second thought.......but why I chose to look away at the writing on the wall from the jump leaves me scratching my head.....defying logic......and I am a logical chick lol:) ........and I am not alone in that.......other women I have known have done the same.......and at no point do you go into it thinking that that pattern will happen to you.....and I suppose too that the person is skilled at making another person believe that.......in my last situation when I eventually found out I had been so deeply betrayed I felt shocked some, because for most of our time together I had felt so safe.......but I began not to........my nervous system alerting me......and that feeling later being confirmed that I was more right than I thought at the time......I had no idea the level of betrayal that was occurring......but in every relationship the flags were there, surrounding my person......my not believing it would impact me.....and it may sound arrogant.....but if you have lived it, you know it doesn't come from arrogance at all......I NEVER thought well I am better than those other women so I won't be betrayed, NEVER.......I did feel at certain points that what we shared might be different than what had happened previously......and I guess as I type that, maybe THAT IS IT......you find yourself being told something to that affect, and you begin believing it.....and believing that your type of love is the antidote to these forever patterns.....that end up finding their way to your doorstep.....now here is the other thing......I do not say all of this to say that I don't believe in redemption or real change......I am not saying any of this from a jaded perspective.....but the kind of change that eradicates a lifetime of toxic patterns requires REAL WORK and ACCOUNTABILITY.......and doesn't happen very easily......that is deep diving stuff......and I know that because I have done my own work, on my own patterns, to keep myself safe from those kinds of things moving forward......years of therapy, and so much else......healing and breaking patterns is hard work......it takes real courage and accountability, and my experience of my ex's was not witnessing those things within them often........ And the truth is it is easier to slip into old habits, and old us, it is why diets are hard for people, exercise, all of it......when you can change your mindset though, that is where you will change your life.......so are the men I have loved capable of REAL change, I cannot say with certainty either way.......I believe that anything is possible in this life if you want it badly enough........but do I believe that change is easy, no I don't..... not the real kind anyway........and so this morning I wanted to clarify that I am always speaking to the actions, to the betrayal, to the disloyalty, to the pain that was handed my way, when I write of healing and my experience......I am never talking about the end result.....because in all cases I believe deeply I won.......for ME......I am free of patterns that were no longer serving my life in every story, and in every way......and am FREE in a way that is intoxicating to me:) and the stories that came as a result of that are playing out as they should too..........so this morning finds me shaking my head at myself, wondering how I believed these things wouldn't touch my life too.......based on all I had learned from them......and knowing I cannot change the past, but I can for sure change my future:) And I will do just that! Happy Thursday! I have my workshop with my gals tonight! SO excited:)Enjoy today! xoxo