I turned around and there you were......

Friday was a hard day.....lots of heavy realizations about my life hitting all at once....there are some internal shifts happening at work.....and due to the certification switch the state made awhile back, certifying new teachers only K-4, instead of K-6, it leaves me susceptible to being moved to a 5th grade position that needs to be filled this coming year.....and on one hand I fully trust, as I have said a million times my journey.....so if being a 5th grade teacher next is in line with that, then I trust that when I get there, I will soon know the why......but the idea of it happening brought up a great deal of grief for me too....you see....my team at school is one of the larger support systems in my life, in my day to day......we have each other's backs fiercely....our flow is established, who takes care of what.......we share our real life with one another, celebrating life with each other, I have known a couple of them more than 20 years.....they are currently my people.....and when you work in a school, once you no longer work day to day with people, those relationships are harder to maintain and change.....that is just how it is.....and so Friday as I was facing that possibility on the wings of my kid's dad having to cancel, and my juggling what I had on tap to work with their stuff and all of it, which never bothers me, it doesn't, having my kids is where I want to be....but there was this feeling of isolation, as I was figuring out all of the things on my own, and as I thought of losing my team too.....I spend a lot of time on my own, in terms of grown up stuff.....and love it often, but it all of a sudden felt like REALLY, I have to lose this too??? It was a flash.....and not real in a real sense.....it was mind games we play;-) But it felt deeply isolating......just tackling life on my own on repeat......and ultimately continuing to be shown that I am who I have....me.......having relationships that I relied on at one point stripped away one by one, and again that is just how it feels not the real, because I have plenty of relationships in my life that I love, but this chapter showed me how to be my own bestie so completely, and have my own back above all else, and I have taken that job seriously.....I understood the assignment early on.......and most of the time it is OK.....I am a social person, but also solitary....I need time to recharge after too much people stuff lol:) And most days I don't even feel the vast aloneness that has arrived in my life....letting the chatter and love of my kids fill that space......but I carry A LOT on my own.....that is true......and my arms have acclimated to it......growing stronger and stronger......and learning how to hold it all and juggle faster.....so this potential change at work, will be in line with that....my trusting that if it is me that gets moved, that this shift was written in the stars long ago....and that k-6 certification that I hold is in line with that....and I will embrace learning a new curriculum, and learning how to connect with a new age group.....4th grade being my first love in terms of teaching for sure! And so as this past weekend took hold, minus my injury, which can I just say finds me so sore this morning, yikes.......I realize I am not as alone as I feel sometimes, as I am problem solving and juggling......I need to learn to ask for help better to lighten my load.....hiring that guy to come help in the yard was the first step in that......and my mom and dad were so helpful this weekend, and I was working with my biz coach this weekend too and we talked about that.....intentionally lightening our load, because her life is very similar to mine.....and ultimately I surrender.......to it all.......the plan for my life has been beautifully unfolding as I get out of the way.........anytime I try and get in the way it goes awry lol:) Surrender and accept.....and repeat! I am most definitely learning to listen better to the universal nudges that are sent my way......and that path is the one that comes with ease......so I am guessing this week will find me knowing whether that work change is a thing......and in the meantime I know what is for me will never miss, and is something I cannot avoid either....Amen:) Happy Monday! Enjoy the day:)