Gaslighting......

During this journey the last few years I have not paid too close attention to how gaslighting factored into it all.....feeling like the term gaslit is overused, similar to narcissism etc.....they are all buzz words now and sometimes they make sense and fit, and are most definitely true and other times perhaps there are other things at play.......but the other day I was listening to somebody's account of their journey in their relationship through coaching her and gaslighting rang true.....and listening to her speak brought me back some and the manipulation was so obvious, and it is a tough thing, and form of manipulation because it can make you feel as if you are losing your mind.......the definition being "a form of psychological manipulation where a person systematically undermines another person's perception of reality, memory, or sanity to gain power and control. " I cannot tell you how many times I was engaged in a conversation or argument in my relationships, where the person would tell me what they thought I said, or spin what I said in a way that was so far off......almost making me feel crazy in what I was expressing, and it was SO frustrating.....for a long time it made me try so hard to communicate just right so it would be avoided and no amount of care could combat it, and at the time I didn't realize it was a conscious tactic to cause all of the issues that it did......almost to be purposely misunderstood.....which was hurtful and challenging for me because communication is my strong suit and fighting so hard to communicate, and never meeting the mark was so challenging......like the idea of reconciliation or resolution was not in the cards......or not being sought by the other party.....just experiencing the goal line being moved.....like they did not want to really resolve it, just wanted to continue the conflict to deflect the issue at hand......and it is maddening.......and frustrating, and will never be any different......that I learned.....and I write about this today because being here in the space, on vacation I was reminded also of how many years I lived in that.......vacation sometimes amplifying that dynamic......and maybe I take the word conscious back to some degree......I think when people are skilled in gaslighting they have learned to use it for whatever reason, and it has worked for them and it becomes their means of communication......maybe without their realizing it, and the method that helps them hold the power.....but it is also hurtful.......expressing to somebody you love that something is bothering you......and then them taking that as an attack, and flipping the narrative into a rabbit hole of nonsense, holding so many other issues and getting nowhere fast.......it is exhausting......and sad and something I never want to experience again......I guess ultimately I realized how often my feelings and needs were never heard just defensively attacked and it makes me sad sometimes.......I had some very healing moments of understanding beside the sea yesterday and it was so needed......we had a blast.......the sun is shining today too! And we will be taking advantage indeed:) Happy Monday:) Enjoy your day! xoxo