I SEE you........

I wrote a little ways back about not being seen in a certain place in my life......not accurately anyway......and acceptance is the order of the day, but the other piece of that is that I see them, clearly......without any clouded vision......and I think as I SEE more and more, that vision becomes clearer, putting the events that occurred in a realistic place, a stark one.......certainly shattering all I used to believe.....and I think that is the grief we don't talk about enough maybe, when the rose colored glasses shatter and the ugly reality is staring us back in the face......and I suppose healing looks like the place where you land, where you cannot imagine even having a conversation any longer......no commonalities existing any longer, when at one point that was where you lived......where your day to day circled......all of it......it is all so strange and disorienting........the disconnection of love.....and unfortunately the disconnection of it in the light of day.......a timely reel found me the other day.....and it spoke to my journey, resonating, and what I was to learn along the way......speaking to the fact that it wasn't the red flags in the last situation, and that I didn't see them......I did.....and expressed them......but it was my soul's desire to try and embody that lesson for real, once and for all, and play it out till I got to the place where it was my turn to live my truth and choose me.......and it might sound hokey, but it resonated.......her words......because I did see red flags but deeply felt the "soul work" if you will that I was being called to do, and I have talked about resonation before.....another mystical part of our experience here......what resonates and what doesn't......and why does it when it does, and what happens when it no longer does?? Those are all pieces that are beyond our understanding.....but I suppose as I type that, it is the thing I seek now, or the thing I know will lead me to the next place......what resonates in this chapter stays.....what resonates is what I pay attention to.......what I feel deeply, at a soul level gets a place.....and I guess that is in line with what I wrote above......the lack of resonation I feel in places I once felt love, deep love even, is startling......feeling like some foreign land as I have healed......and it makes me wonder about it all.....in lots of ways......but when you give yourself the room and space for clarity, it arrives......and it is more than that.......it is a frequency I speak of too, the vibration of two people that are no longer vibrating at the same frequency........vibrating right out of each other's experiences......and this morning it occurs to me that when the turmoil arrives in a relationship......when your intuition knows you are in the wrong spot, and you are choosing to not listen, like I said I have been there, and you keep ignoring that, maybe THAT is what it is......maybe it is the vibrational shift happening?? Two people beginning to move in different directions based on their growth and experience? Their energies no longer compatible......it is interesting to think of this morning, my nerdy self curious......and resonation is something we can't always explain.....and this is a good example, I have a relatively new friend in my life, and our friendship has formed so quickly.....and so much resonates........we are word nerds and so we have endless fun there.....:) But she sent me this the other day about my tattoo

"Hi! I love your phoenix and all that it symbolizes!!!

I, of course, immediately thought of Harry Potter and what the phoenix, Fawkes, symbolizes and represents in the series.  

Fawkes bursts into flames on his “burning day” and is reborn from the ashes, symbolizing that new life and hope always shine through even in the darkest times. 

His tears are the only antidote for the basilisk bite, symbolizing protection and healing for those he loves and trusts. 

He embodies courage in the face of darkness throughout the series. 

And of course, I went to the lyrics of “You’re Losing Me,” by our favorite lyrical genius:

“I’m getting tired even for a phoenix, always rising from the ashes, mending all her gashes”

You, my dear friend, embody all of these things.  Such a beautiful symbol for such a beautiful soul. 

And I share this to illustrate my point.......about being seen or feeling seen, and it is not dependent upon the time we have known a human......it isn't.....it is all energy.....and the lens in which we are viewing the world.......our perspective.....our experience, and despite not knowing her long I feel like she gets so much of what I get about me compliments aside:) She gets WHO I am and what matters to my heart, and I have talked about the deep work of leaving a person, one you deeply cared about, in the proper place in your memory......and reconciling it when so much pain and betrayal was a part of the story.....and it is not easy work......especially when you feel that they don't GET IT, but I guess as I continue to SEE it all more and more clearly......each day........ it seems it helps lay it down in the place where it belongs.....and I continue to be grateful for new friends, and my old ones that resonate in the places I do.....vibing to our frequency.....seeing each other and celebrating each other fiercely......gearing up for my trip to Wyoming and connecting with somebody I have vibed with since we were kids and our frequency as only grown stronger as your journeys have unfolded:) And as my Phoenix is healing I am falling deeper and deeper in love with all it symbolizes......and the way it came out,and will forever.....I can even imagine little old lady status, and looking down at my more wrinkly Phoenix lol:) And remembering THIS chapter......one of the most pivotal of my life......I know that so completely.....maybe sharing with a grandchild, about how cool their grandma was lol:) Enjoy the day! We have Vacation Bible Camp on tap and my kids are excited:) Enjoy the sunshine:)