Auburn hair and don't talk to me like that......

So it has been a week......my birthday being the highlight for sure, and feeling ALL the love, I needed it amid the rest of all I walked through.....and then my hair dye went a little sideways....Thursday night, unexpectedly lol:) I was getting a little more of that trim I wanted, and I thought why not have her throw my box dye on, and she did but put WAY more on than I do....and then due to my having so much hair added her own and well......I ended up with auburn hair.....a deeper auburn than I am used to.....I normally go lightly and maintain that reddish blonde kinda vibe.....and to be honest it is a little shocking for me lol:) It was well received by my colleagues, and kiddos in my class yesterday, but it will take me some time to adjust, it doesn't feel like me at the moment lol....and I for sure think as it stands at the moment, I want to get back to the color it recently was, which is more like it was when I was younger, and feels like me....SO we shall see how it all plays out, I am embracing the change, and maybe finding it apropos as I prepare to start my workshop this week and enter my era, new hair and all lol:) A more refined color for sure! But I had two moments this week that I am going to try and articulate well without sounding like a jaded you know what;-) I had two men reach out this week......one I was connected to a LONG time ago.....and haven't spoken to in years......and as has been the trend to date, he did not treat me well.......in certain ways yes, but in other big ways no......and was disrespectful to me in terms of fidelity, and also betrayed me often....perhaps being the one that normalized that for me at one point.....just occurred to me as I typed that.....and I hold no ill will toward him.....I have long since let it all go......knowing our parting ways was what was meant to be.....it was actually right at a conjunction, that catapulted me into my eventual marriage....so it was all in line, divinely danced and placed......but he wished me a happy birthday.....not being my friend on FB, through my messenger, and he used a nickname to address me from long ago....and to be honest I do not even remember the origin of the nickname.....I just know that it struck a chord when I saw his message.....and I have been sitting with the trigger it triggered.....I think I just found it so off putting in a visceral way.....like you don't even know me?? We are not like that?? Not nickname people with on e another?? We haven't spoken in decades?? And taking the opportunity to try and come at me with a name that represented a different version of me on my birthday.....a version of me that let things slide, and allowed my heart to be hurt, ignited a little spot in me....And here is the thing, I am sure he did not mean for it to evoke that.....he likely was genuinely, or maybe not genuinely, wishing me a happy birthday since it was a big one, thinking the water had passed under the bridge long ago....so I am not faulting him for sending it.....but for me....it I guess represented my healing.....seeing it through different eyes......feeling like if he had used my name......it would have hit completely differently.....not assuming I would be subject to the nickname of all those years ago?? Does that make sense?? It does to me, but I am not sure I am articulating it well....and then I had a guy in my inbox asking me out, addressing me as "birthday girl" using my birthday as an in.....also off putting because we don't even know each other! And again I am sure he didn't mean anything by or it or he did, but that part is not the point......And maybe now as I am typing this I am hearing what it is for me....it is the new level of respect I have found and in turn now require.....no longer subject to those "hey girl" guys........not charmed by that......AT ALL.......I need somebody to approach me with the respect I deserve now.....period.....or it is a total turn off.......and that is a total shift.......and powerful.......men do tend to disrespect women in their rhetoric....trying to be playful, or funny, or charming.....and I used to let that stuff slide endlessly....finding it amusing, and sometimes charming even.....but this week showed me that is no longer true.......it is not because I have lost my sense of humor, it still lives lol:) But it is because I am requiring a different type of energy to come into my life.....to attract me.....and it isn't male energy that is opportunistic.......this version of me isn't available for that......so I left them both on read.......not even feeling compelled to respond.....which is growth......it is not mean or rude like I used to tell myself.....it is honest......I don't need to explain to either of them why. I just don't........and well that feels like something and like healing indeed:) Happy Saturday! Enjoy:)