You do YOU!

My daughter had a chorus concert last night. She had to wear black and/or white. She decided what her options were, landing on the dress I secretly hoped she would pick.....had to rock her Adidas sneakers with it, because she is not a dress shoe kind of gal most of the time....and it was all amazing.....she looked beautiful and gosh so grown all of a sudden.....and here is the thing.....when I looked at her, I saw growth.....because once upon a time that would have troubled me....like what will people think? Shouldn't I tell her what to wear?? Should I have gotten her dress shoes she will wear only once or twice?? Hanging onto control in all the ways.....And I don't live there now AT ALL.....I realize that I did at one time because so much of my life and my circumstance was chaotic and out of control.....so when that is so, we tend to hang onto the things we think we can control....and that is a lie.....and futile.....I used to watch mothers that let their children be, and make their decisions, and admire it but think that is kinda crazy lol:) Now I get it....Now I am them, and I think my daughter helped me get there and my life circumstance.....she has been fiercely independent too since birth lol:) No stroller, just walking most of the time herself lol:) And I had to be so protective of Gabe and up in all of his business endlessly that the contrast felt welcomed......and I parent both of my children, make no mistake....guiding them and loving on them fiercely.....but I do not control them.....they are free in many ways.....and what would have been the point for me to make her wear what I wanted her to, and make her miserable or uncomfortable at her chorus concert? Does that make sense? I trusted she would make the right decision for her, and she did....I don't seek to control a thing these days in a real sense.....I manage my life......my home.....my job.....my business.....and my mom life.....but with freedom in tow.....not spiraling into anxiety because I have to control it all.....and I suppose my health journey is where I exercise some of that discipline of control.....remaining faithful to my workout......and the rest.....keeps me rooted, but I believe people need freedom....and if you try to control them, it WILL backfire..........and trying to control another person by monitoring them, or imparting your will on them, never ends well......it creates misery for all parties......I am even that kind of teacher too....I don't sweat the small stuff....they have freedom to sit in lots of flexible seating in my room.....not subject to their tables all day.....they can move about, and I have order in my room, make no mistake, but I do not control them... and as a result I am happier:) ......actually it has touched my heart, as they have learned I will be a 5th grade teacher next year, they are all telling me they hope they get me in 5th too, which feels good.....I am sure I will see some of them next year for sure:) and I wish I had known this SO much sooner in my life......and I am wondering what triggered the shift for me.....I think maybe it was that my whole life fell apart and at first I was frantically trying to right it, and put it back together till I couldn't.......and when I finally LET GO.....life made sense again.....you do you, and I will do me.....and the minute we get caught up in what another person does, or doesn't do we find unhappiness.....our expectations creating misery.......and what is the point of that?? And I guess taking a picture of my girl wearing her dress and sneaks and it not bothering me a bit, in fact it charming me, made me realize all of it......my kids will tell you the same....my daughter talks to me about EVERYTHING......because she knows I won't freak out.....even when she thinks it is something that might upset me......I don't think kids need unnecessary stress.....my kids are good, and work hard because they are intrinsically driven to do so.....that is the kind of drive that lasts.....not the one that comes from external places.....she got straight As last marking period, and has done super well this year as she transitioned from private to public.....because SHE WANTS to.....not because I require straight As of her....that is the shift....she has always done well.....but it is in her.....and that is what I want to foster in her....not seeking approval......or worrying about what I think......she knows I am deeply proud of her, because she is an amazing human, and my son knows the same....not because they perform for their mama......so shedding control in this chapter so fully.....or in ways that set me free has changed the game......I don't hold too tightly to a thing.....and when I feel myself wanting to hang on, I know I am in the wrong place......that is my cue.....if it is making me feel that, it has got to go......no more chaos......my default on any given day is simple......everything is always working out for me.....because well it is:) Happy Wednesday! Field trip for me today, wish me luck lol:) xoxox