Hey Charlie,......it gets better.......

I had a brief exchange with a man named Charlie yesterday. We connected on dating but he is far away, and it was decided that it was not feasible to begin chatting in a real sense, there was no point.....but he took a moment to become vulnerable, expressing that he came on the dating site to try and navigate his divorce.....going on his first date Tuesday and having it rip the wound open, and he found pain on that date.....and he is most definitely not ready to be dating......but I did not express that to him.....because I think WE ALL find ourselves scrolling dating profiles earlier on in our journey as a way to cope some.......ready or not here we come kinda energy;-)......and it seems like a sound thing to do some.....it serves as a distraction....a way to get through the rough seas on the hard days.....even if you never meet up and date.....some conversation.....some curiosity, some seeing what is out there, some finding your identity again as a single person.....working to get sea legs in a sea where I have found that won't happen lol:) BUT.....I knew why Charlie was there......and he was sweet and polite and kind, his eyes told that story......but still so troubled by it all....and so as somebody 5 years out I felt I could respond to him, and hold some space for some of his stuff......validate what is happening for him and give him hope.....and I told him it gets better.....because it does:) And he appreciated that, and expressed being sober now....and catching an AA meeting, and having that help, and I am rooting deeply for his sobriety.....admiring it, but it also was having me wonder if that was at the crux of his singledom, hard to say, but a noble thing for him to pursue indeed......and I was not placing judgement.....however for me, I have learned that the story of addiction cannot be present in love......active or sober.....I won't travel down that road, it has a way of creeping up in surprising ways, morphing into lots of places and in ways that can be challenging.....and I don't say it with judgement just understanding. I am not an addictive person and I know that I need the same for a partner in this chapter......and so Charlie has some journeying to do.....I encouraged him to do some work finding the things he loves, and expanding that.....and my heart went out to him......I think when you are on this side of it and touch down into a person in the active throes of it all, you cannot help but have a heart for it all.......because YOU KNOW......know how it feels to be right there......so my wish for him is that he feels his legs underneath him again.....takes the time to heal.......realizes that the dating scene thing is not THE thing at all lol:) And gives himself grace to move through it all......As an aside I dig the name Charlie......fun name:) We wished each other well after having shared our very human moment.....he needed a human to hear him as he blurted some in one moment.....needing to let it breathe. I think he was surprised at all he shared in a moment, and I understood that......and I believe we should try to do that......as often as we are able. Not serving our own needs, but hearing people when they are in the midst of their pain and suffering......and sometimes just saying I hear you, I get it.....is enough.....that was mostly what I did.....acknowledging where he was....knowing there was no fixing......just hearing.....so if you need to hear that today too.....It gets better, it really does, whatever IT is......one day.......one moment.......one space at a time.....and seek spaces that hold space for you:) You deserve that, and no matter your story you matter and hope does indeed float! Happy Friday:) xoxo