Burdens

What a funny word.........."a load typically a heavy one"............we all carry them right? The world and life can be a heavy place, and we all have things that we must carry along the way.......the thing I have realized though is I was often carrying burdens that were not mine to carry......borrowing the weight of it, and happy to place it on my shoulders and go the distance.....and in the last few days I have had conversations with several friends related to that very notion.......it is a fine line between shouldering somebody else's responsibility and being supportive to a spouse or a friend.........or enabling them to be the way they have been......I for sure think I was guilty of enabling him to do some of what he did, behaviors and actions, and not problem solve his way out of, or through much of anything because I did all of that.......I was the problem solver for the bus, and any things that arose or that needed solving, and he either went along with it, or would be resistant to my solution.......while not having a solution of his own to offer...........or sometimes drop the ball completely if the weight of the burden was placed on him.........to do, to solve, to put action behind a plan........and it was a challenging place to be.....and did not bring out the best..........in me........or us........it made me extremely anxious to not take care of what needed to, and sometimes let it be..........because one of my core universal truths is to follow through with what you say you are going to do.......just do it........get it done and solved.....and move on...........and I do that in my life.......make a plan.......then execute it.......and sometimes he would make a plan, and he would encounter some internal struggle that prevented the follow through......one I had trouble understanding and it would cause conflict........and stress for me.......it is not a place in me that I enjoy being poked, because it is hugely bothersome.......so if in my marriage I had understood better how to put burdens that were not mine down and let it be.......or let him solve it........or any of that I may have not suffered as much, or understood better how to navigate our conflict surrounding it.......I feel like moving forward though I can do that much better........have been doing it well with him now........not allowing the stuff that is not mine take hold in my life.........I also want a future somebody in my life that is able to carry their own burdens.......problem solve........follow through on what they say and do, a go getter, so there isn't any room for a burden to need to be picked up.......somebody very well versed in how to drive their own bus and do it beautifully..........it has been a powerful lesson for me........to restrain myself from instant problem solving mode, and just let some things be........and again you can wish to know something sooner but truth is........you only know when you know.......and when we know better we certainly have an obligation to do better........I am working on doing a better job of listening and not jumping to problem solving mode......it is not easy......I have to check myself when it occurs......because I do have a core belief that all things can be solved somehow.......that the answer is out there, ready to be discovered and sometimes people just want to be heard and left to figure it out, and I am getting better........these days I am happy to carry my own burdens........my pack feels much more manageable.......lighter and the weight on my back feels totally OK.........and when the urge comes to pick up another's burden.......I remind myself it is not mine to carry..........it just isn't............