This is really hard........

There is an ethereal quality that sometimes takes over my life.......I know that seems extreme and over the top, but it absolutely feels true, and is why I believe in magic;-).......euphoric almost, but at the same time a dream like state takes over that makes my mind wonder like how could all that have been real? And the hard part is reconciling the two places.....the place where I know what happened to me was horrifying and wildly painful.......and completely wrong in every way, and deeply hurtful......and the place where I landed in a life I love, with both feet firmly planted on the ground, chasing all of my dreams and living in all these blessings that make my eyes teary often:).......the conflicting feelings that brings at certain times is so challenging......knowing that I am healing, I am doing the work....but also getting to live a life that I never imagined I ever would at one point......I think the other unnerving piece for me sometimes is living in deep transformation, on repeat........just continuously being called to excavate the depths of my psyche and soul and alchemize it to propel me further into my purpose......and I do not say that as if I am special or unique......we are all asked to do that really......and we decide whether we push it all away or avoid it or face it all.......that is a choice......but as I have said I have been under two very particular pockets of energy for a long time, and will be for a long time,, that have called deep excavation of self....and so I am feeling often that I am changing inside and sometimes outside, and learning how to still vibe with my people or I guess having to wonder if they will get me....and I know that might sound dramatic or weird and I can't apologize for it......it is true.....I am not the same person internally that I was even 3 months......the evolution this time is coming fast and furious.....the "ahas" raining down......so it is extra special to me when my friends meet me there and listen and love me and celebrate it with me.......I am changing in ways I needed to absolutely......so the reconciling of all the pieces amid just life and movement is challenging......I overslept this morning till 6, which is unheard of......I always wake up before my alarm at 4, never needing it.......but somehow missed it this morning......and am off my game indeed lol:) made lunches while coffee was brewing......getting my blog in, and going to workout now after:) Had to pair down the anchors I use this morning, to the most important ones to start my day;-) So I guess all of this to say that you can hate what happened to you to some degree but still revel in the aftermath of it......knowing it was meant for you to evolve, you can also still change in so many ways and hope the people you love most still get it.....and you can do all of it with a little grief for all the places you once were......but with mad optimism and gratitudefor where you are headed! Cheers to Wednesday:)