Here is the truth........

The itinerary that is emerging for my trip to Wyoming is shaping up to be magic......yoga in their sweet little town and a lovely dinner with the gals.......music in the mountains at this incredible concert venue on this ranch one night......a birthday bash for my girl, and a garden party in this picturesque place, all bathed in nature and visual splendor......and that is just the tip of the iceberg..........and well if I am honest I am struggling some to accept the gift that it is.....touching on another place that needs growth, and it hit me which one as I have been sitting with it.....I have been the I Got YOU GIRL, have expressed that often.....and learned, and have done well at tending to others needs, or giving of myself to others endlessly......spending the beginning of my journey perfecting that......and often to my detriment.....then the last 5 years I have learned to give to myself.....learning to receive the gifts of care and love that I had given away.......and I am doing a pretty damn good job of that these days:)......so my teacher self sees the trajectory of the curriculum if you will lol;-) and that the next lesson is to learn to receive......and it feels so uncomfortable.....and not really a place that doesn't believe I am worthy of this dream trip......but my duty as a mother and as my kid's person is coming into play.......if you know, ya know.....;-) And I am wrestling with the acceptance of what this experience will hold......it feels bigger than a trip with amazing people.......it feels like a place where the landscape will shift for me somehow......like I am meant to learn something profound that will shape the after of my story......and maybe part of that is receiving......it is uncomfortable for me.......that is the truth......and I am working on that.....asking for help is hard for me......sharing my needs inside of any relationships is difficult, and when I have been brave enough to do so it hasn't been met with a spirit of willingness, further challenging the work I am trying to do surrounding it all......because I have clearly identified what I need in this chapter.....I get it now.....and the work I am doing leading up to my leaving is to get comfortable with the fact that I am worthy of this magnificent trip, to a place I have always wanted to go......seeing things I have always wanted to see....that is the truth of the story....not because I am entitled to anything, none of us are......but because I believe in energetics, and manifestation, and the magic that the universe holds amid our divine path, and because I know what my day to day looks like, it makes sense that this experience has entered my experience energetically.......and just like with anything, there is duality.....and as I enter my healer era, using my story to heal others even more deeply.....I need to learn how to live on the other side of that story and receive it too.....from outside of myself....So that is what I am doing....realizing I have been a committed, consistent, and diligent student in this story.....and sometimes amid the studies there is room for a field trip;-) and in this case one of epic proportions.....and my plan is to not waste the gift that is being offered to me.....not one minute of it....it is to challenge my discomfort and shift my mindset so that I can spend every moment in Wyoming present in the magic and soaking it into my soul......and showing my kids a valuable lesson, the lesson of saying yes to yourself too.....and doing so without guilt or complicated business....and that that is a great act of self love amid the love we share with others too.....they both were on board with this trip from the beginning, we had talked about it.....and they are excited about being spoiled rotten for the time I am away by their other favorites, Mimi and Pop.....and something tells me that this era will be hallmarked by many more places where I feel the gifts of others returned to me, not just in the work I do, that is already a thing:) But in the relationships I have now........a better balance emerging.......reciprocity....and meeting more of the givers of the world.....my kindred folk xoxox Enjoy your Saturday:)